The Brink: Prof. Scott on Why Parents Avoid Talking About Race and How to Start the Conversation

In The Brink, BU School of Social Work Assistant Professor Judith C. Scott gives tips to parents on talking to their kids about race and racism.

Excerpted from “If Babies and Toddlers Can Detect Race, Why Do So Many Parents Avoid Talking about It?” by Jessica Colarossi:

All too often, kids are given less information than they deserve when it comes to complex phenomena, like how a virus such as COVID-19 spreads, or how to confront deeply painful societal issues like racism. If you are a parent or adult who has struggled to talk about race with kids, you are certainly not alone.

“Parents are generally afraid that they don’t have all the answers, and that has to go out the window,” says Judith Scott, a Boston University School of Social Work assistant professor, whose research focuses on how parents can prepare kids to deal with racial discrimination, and how families and peers transmit messages about identity and culture to kids. “It’s okay to say, ‘I’m still learning myself,’ and learn together with your children,” Scott says.

So what’s the best way to start the conversation? Scott emphasizes the importance of context.

“Kids understand the nature of unfairness,” says Scott. “And I think that foundation is a way to start having conversations about racism.”

Netflix sci-fi series Raising Dion is a great example of why some parents have to start talking about racism, Scott says, because in one episode, Dion—who is a young Black boy with superpowers—is distressed after experiencing discrimination in school and his mother has to talk to him about racism for the first time. It’s important to keep in mind that motivations for having these conversations differ; it could be triggered by something on the news, times that kids are hearing about racism issues at school or experiencing racial discrimination themselves, or talking about race with peers. Scott has found in her research that context is crucial when families decide how to talk about race and racism as issues or questions arise, since every situation and child is different.

Generally, when it comes to engaging kids and teens in conversations about racism, Scott emphasizes using the power of stories and positive examples. Such stories could be about young activists fighting against racist systems, like 13-year-old Mari Copeny—better known as “Little Miss Flint”—who spoke up about environmental racism with the ongoing water crisis in Flint, Mich.

“It’s important for kids to understand that society is trying to do something about it, and people are fighting the fight,” says Scott. The key is understanding your child, seeing if they want opportunities to engage in small or big ways, and to keep checking in.

“As kids get older, the information you give them about race and racism has a different meaning to them because of where they are developmentally or their experiences, and so if your child is 12 or 14 and the last conversation you had about race was when they were 8, that is not going to cut it,” says Scott. Contributing with small actions, making signs, drawing positive messages or images on the sidewalk, or even attending a protest or organizing virtual events, are a few possibilities for kids who want to engage in antiracism work.

“For parents of color, people who have had bad experiences, it’s important to—after those conversations—take care of yourself,” says Scott. “Finding time to talk about these things when you’re emotionally ready, and only if you’re ready, is okay.”

Read the full article here. Originally published in The Brink on November 9, 2020.