PARTISAN REVIEW
413
The sun was shining golden jewels all over the grass. I put on
my shades and looked really cool.
As
usual, everyone stared at me.
I wish that the Hospital gate was open and I could just walk out
and go find Melanie.
So Michelle and I were just walking along without saying any–
thing. I saw an old lady and she smiled at me. "Michelle," I said,
"I know that God has sent me here. He has sent me here to receive
the gift of that old lady's smile." And I tipped my beret to the old
lady. I always wear a black beret and black motorcycle jacket now.
This is the official uniform of the Black Panthers and I hope I'll
become a member soon. I wish I could get out of here. I must help
my Brothers. I must save them. Oh how I hear so strongly their
cry of pain and of anger.
I was thinking about all of this when Michelle asked me a
question. I was very surprised. "Daniel. Melanie wants to know
if
you have written any reply to her letter." "Melanie. Where
is
she?" I asked. "I don't know, Daniel. She wouldn't tell anyone
where she was staying. She just left a note for me to ask you
if
you
had an answer. She left a letter to me with Sonny." I was mad.
Why was Sonny the only one home at a time like
this.
"Well?
Do
you have a letter for Melanie?" asked Michelle. I looked down.
I really had nothing to say to my fiancee. I couldn't even say "Je
t'aime" anymore because I just didn't know. My Doctor had said
"Forget her." I'm trying, Journal, but it just seems like I can't. "No
Michelle. I have no answer." But then Michelle said: "Well Daniel,
then I'm supposed to give you this." And she gave me another
lavender envelope. I opened it and again there was lavender station–
ery and again it was a
poem.
LATE ONE NIGHT IN CHURCH: A VISION
sometimes I fear the morning
Voice of the Imperative
Tinfoil Angel
who speaks
of the three-altared
chapel. I dread
the voice reminding me
of my dream the night before.
The Angel need only command
and there in Gothic grey
