CAROLE KOHANIM
we were both in a demonstration together protesting the murder of
a black man by some honkie police. Then she got caught and put
in jail but I escaped (mainly because they were after "hippies" that
time, not niggers). Well, Melanie didn't exactly get caught. She
just refused to run and said, "I'm with them," and marched into
the paddy wagon. Melanie told me that when she told how she got
arrested to all the hippies that were caught with her, the hippies
laughed and laughed and told her she was crazy.
Once at Christmas time I told Melanie how I remembered look–
ing back while we were marching in that demonstration and seeing
this barefoot
girl
skipping along with some kids holding her hands.
Melanie said, "Oh that must have been me." Then I told Melanie
that when I first saw that
girl
I thought to myself, "She's weak."
Melanie got really upset when I told her that. I remember she ran
outside and kicked a tree. When I talked about it with her later, she
said, "I think you're telling me that - about me being weak -
is
a warning that we're - you and I - going to be having some
trouble, some difficulties, sort of like a test of our relationship."
Melanie was really right about that. Because after that everything
started going downhill and we'd fight a lot and be afraid of each
other sometimes. But everytime after we'd make up, Melanie would
always say, "Do you think we're over it yet?" And I would always
say, "No, not yet."
I remember that the same day we had our first "test," Melanie
and Anthony got into a fight. I didn't hear them talking, but it
was something about sex and Anthony accusing Melanie of tricking
a guy. Melanie ran outside and I slugged Anthony. Then when I
found Melanie I made Anthony apologize to her. It's the only time
Anthony and I ever fought. We're like brothers. We are Brothers.
But you know, Journal, as I waS telling all
this
to the Doctor,
I realized it wasn't Melanie that was that weak
girl
at all.
It
was
some other Caucasian chick. I told this to the Doctor but he didn't
seem to care. "What's the difference? They're all the same," he
said. I respect and love my Doctor, Journal. But sometimes he
really hurts me. I suppose he was right when he said I needed a
rest in a Hospital but I don't feel any better. I feel worse.
As
a
matter of fact, I feel like shit.
May the tenth
