PARTISAN REVIEW
417
You're a free man, Brother," he said. Ma just hugged me to her and
sort of cried and whispered "my baby." I haven't seen Francine and
Chico yet but I hear they're getting along real well. Seeing as how
Dad accepted me back without a word, I knew right then there'd
be
no trouble with the rest of the family.
They
loved me all along
anyway.
The only one that was strange was Michelle. She just stood
back from the rest and didn't really greet me or anything. I knew
how she felt about Melanie leaving and everything, so I went over
to comfort her. But she wouldn't talk to me. She just gave me a
letter and then walked away. Her being so distant really hurt my
feelings.
The letter was lavender and I knew it was from Melanie. I
went outside and got on my motorcycle and went on down to the
marshes. I just sat there for awhile and looked up at the sky. It
was grey, but not an ugly grey. It was sort of a pearly grey and
the rushes made silent gold lines against the greyness. The marsh
pond reflected the grey and the gold, and gave off a soft shine in
the afternoon sun. Just sitting there for awhile made me feel all
calm and at peace again, and the hurt from Michelle melted away.
I love the marsh pond. I often
think
it
is
the forgotten sea-child
of the Ocean. It is my spiritual home.
I feel beautiful again - Beautiful-like I did that time I was
walking with Michelle
in
the Hospital garden and the blackness of
our bodies gave off a warm glow in the sun. I feel more than ever
now that God has called me and that I must dedicate my life to
His service. I opened the letter. It was a poem on lavender
stationery. -
years of monotone emptiness
bread and fish
dry-boned tangerines
acres of sidewalks
echoes of
inconsequential conversation
one night of palms
thighs and ankles
accordian-spaces of black and grey
whispers of affection forced
out of focus
Carole Kohanim
