PARTISAN REVIEW
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tired of being in here. Besides, I am needed by my black Brothers
and Sisters and I'm worried about them. Journal, I feel that it is my
Mission to help my people. I feel this very strongly and I guess I
have all my life. But the first time I was conscious of it was last year
when Melanie told me something which made me realize my Mission
and my Fate. It was then that I knew once and for all that I cannot
run away from myself and I must not try. It happened when
Melanie and I were down in Monterey for part of the Christmas
vacation. We went into this very fancy Oriental restaurant that
overlooked the sea. Even though we just had on blue jeans and
sweat shirts, Melanie marched right past the waiters into the cock–
tail
lounge and sat down at the table at the far end. It was the only
table with picture windows on all three sides. The lounge was built
on a long pier, and we could hear the waves swirling underneath
our feet. We could look out one window and see the sun going
down, and out another and watch the moon coming up. I felt like
we were on a magical island and that
this
moment was being painted
onto the scroll which is my memory. We asked for two empty glasses
and
this
shy Filipino girl brought them without a word. I uncorked
this bottle of red wine that I had hidden under my sweat shirt, and
when no one was looking I poured the elegant red wine into the
tall
elegant red glasses. These Oriental musicians played
slow
strange
music and women in tight long gold dresses with
stiff
high gold
collars walked in and out. I looked out at the sea falling back to–
wards the Indian Ocean and then I looked quietly at the person who
believes in me more than anyone else - Melanie.
Melanie seemed to be thinking of something long ago, and she
looked past me towards the sea as she always does when she's con–
templating. Mter a while she said, "Daniel, I want to tell you
something. :And I want you to
think
about it. -
Last
year I wanted
very much to start
this
tutoring project and I put hours and hours
into it. But a lot
of
adults were uptight about it and they made life
miserable for me in all sorts of ways. Finally when I was out on a
date I just broke down crying. When my date - he was a white
guy - finally understood why I was upset he
just
said, 'Melanie,
why don't you just forget the whole thing. Really.''' At
this
point
Melanie stopped and looked at me instead of the sea. I could see
from her eyes that she was really hurt just remembering it, and
I twined my fingers tightly around hers. Then she went on. "So
