PARTISAN REVIEW
1956
421
I am behind the cameras, out of sight.
I am sitting in a chair that
is
in a row
of chairs, clipboard on my lap, my mind
blank...•
Vince chats seriously with Mrs. Price.
The terror of Detroit! - the tragedy of
Detroit! -
all
put into words here
this
morning on the Vince Ellman show, so
that people watching it can forget what
is
behind the words.
If
it can be
talked
about like
this,
a handsome man and a
motherly woman, chatting, smiling seri–
ously, if it can be televised and talked
about, it cannot be real and nothing
will happen. "It's certainly a pleasure to
meet someone with a positive outlook,"
Vince
says,
glancing significantly at the
television camera. I can feel
his
audience
nodding, grateful and pleased. Vince
smiles. To smile like that you must slit
the comers of your mouth carefully,
with a razor blade. When the bleeding
stops you
will
be able to smile, like
Vince.
I am downtown alone, in a movie
house. I have run away for a day. My
head aches because I haven't eaten. I
have run away, I have slowed down, I
am sitting through a double feature,
picking at my nails. There
is
a sudden
impulse in me to lean forward and
knock
my head against the seat in front
of me, I don't know why.... At home
my mother sits sometimes and hits her
head against the wall, gently. I think
she
is
trying to remember something.
