PARTISAN REVIEW
405
way. He's my Brother and even if he's not black he's still not
Caucasian.
May the ftfth
Melanie brought me some flowers today. In one way I was glad
because flowers are the gift of God and are very beautiful. But
also
it made me melancholy because it made me
think
of how much I
want to get out of here and just go walking in the park with
Melanie.
I really love my fiancee although I don't like to tell her about
it because she gets so lovey-dovey and I hate that. But sometimes
when she's asleep I tell her all these
things
and once when she was
sitting in the park I stood and watched her for a long time before
she knew I was there. My friend Anthony drew
this
beautiful pic–
ture of her and I hung it up on the wall opposite our bed. Then
I put these purple beads around it. I
miss
that picture. I
wish
my
Brother Anthony would stop being a Tom and say NO to the army.
I've got to get out of here so I can talk to him.
May the
sixth
Melanie was really upset today. Actually she was terrified. I'd
never seen her so upset. You see, Journal,
all
these Sisters who really
dig me (I'm pretty popular) have been getting their nails into her
for being engaged to me. And now Melanie is afraid to walk in the
park because she knows she'll most likely meet one of the Sisters.
Sometimes they spit at her and call her names. I guess she had a
run-in with them
this
afternoon. I tried to explain to her that the
black woman is the lowest on the totem pole but she didn't think
that was any excuse.
So
then I got tired of explaining and told her
to
go home and get some rest. She got really upset then and started
telling me all these faults I have. I wrote them
all
down so I could
think
about them later on. Then I got up to go look out the window
when she was finished. She burst out crying. I asked what was the
matter but she wouldn't tell me. She said I should know by now
what was the matter. But I didn't know. So I just ignored her and
fmally she left. I kept reading over what she had said to me. But
I really
think
Melanie's got to stop being so dependent on me.
Here's what she said:
