PARTISAN REVIEW
1957
423
mysterious?" He teases me, he is a little
annoyed by me. Doesn't he know there
is a heaviness in me, a center of gravity
deeper than his own? He takes my hand
between his hands and rubs it, briskly,
though we are out in public, on the
sidewalk in front of Topinka's. "My lit–
tle girl
has
cold hands!" he says, frank–
ly and sweetly. He is like this on the
show, often. It is
his
truest self. I fell in
love with
him,
I
think
I fell in love
with him, seeing
him
on the monitor
that first day on the job. When I met
him I saw only a man of moderate
size,
perky and talkative, with a strangely
smooth, innocent, even bald face . . .
when I saw
him
on the monitor my
heart contracted, a face stark and hand–
some and in control, words coming from
it with such magic. . . . "You are on
an island and I'm coming
to
rescue
you!" he says, joking and not joking.
Three months of health! Aunt Thelma
comes over
all
the time. Father tried
to come over - she wouldn't see
him.
(He is drinking a lot, they say, he misses
work all the time. ) But still she is
healthy, she is changed, she goes to the
beauty parlor and has her hair done like
all
the other women at our church, a
permanent wave; ugly. She smiles be–
neath the ugly hair. She makes break–
fast and dinner for us, she makes real
dinners, she goes out shopping by her–
self and for three months she is healthy.
