Parents Blog: Fog

Boston is a coastal New England city and therefore prone to fog. Fog is evasive. It is here one minute, gone the next and very hard to grasp. During his student days at BU, I sometimes compared my son to fog. He was an inconsistent communicator at best but during exams, like a wind shift blowing out the fog, he was gone. I’ll bet most parents experience this same phenomenon, and wonder how to support their student through this very high stress time.

Every student experiences the rush of exams differently. It is an unstructured time, classes have ended, when they are very busy but also freer than they have been in months. Class requirements (many) and the December holiday temptations collide. The stress of the final grade looms behind every moment, every activity. The campus gets very quiet as most students turn inward to push hard. Is this difficult to watch as a parent? Always.

Telephoned words of encouragement can be met with silence, and emails and texts get limited responses (yes, ok). Care packages involving food elicited, “thanx, mom,” yet that is hardly the hoped for response. So what is support during exam time?

Positive reinforcement on any phone call is a must. Remember, they are just talking through their problems, finding their own solutions. Emails about holiday plans wrapped in “can do” sentiment get read. No response necessary. The benefit of the doubt works here. More convenience points for late night food binges or care packages from home with some extra food to share with friends are winners (“thanx, mom”). Those friends share the crazy days and long nights of exam period. Money? Well, that always works!

And for you, arm yourself with the knowledge that it takes a couple of exam periods to get it right. Trust that your student will figure it all out, and then wait for the wind to shift. The fog blows back as quickly as it blew out, and your tired, hungry, socially starved BU student will arrive in your kitchen with tales of the semester and a voracious appetite for home and family. Happy holidays, for sure.

-Jeanne Knox, Chairman, Parents Leadership Council