ROBIN MAGOWAN
233
Ling conceived of sex as being blasted-often, hard, that whole
"i" of the letters. She wanted
to
be dissolved into Other, Woman,
Goddess. Not a teacher, or a doctor, but a fulcrum of attention,
of merciless driving: banging, drumming, beating; because beating
is where the heart is at; because beating puts you in a circle with
. fire-that of her upraised, shoulder-held legs with the vaginal cavity
shortened so that the bull's eyes come across as moans scored, hearts
opened up, a hand pushed in or above
to
help the slow-in-coming;
and the man through it all as salmon, wanting his upstream death;
she with the little button at the back of the vagina taking the leaping
hits until the" Yeah, that's so, so good, man," could begin adding
their encouragement. But this constant ramming was exhausting–
trying
to
make happen what you had
to
smack-even
if
it was African
and percussion and woodpecker and lots of other things beside.
On the same score I wonder what her identification with the
ghetto and blacks had
to
do with some early high school projection
of her supposed unprettiness? However,
if
one wants beauty badly
enough, sooner or later one is going to attain it. A verse effort at–
tached
to
one of the later letters reads:
Into the mouth of the blue diamond
glides the beautiful multi-colored fly.
The ball leaps from the socket into the eye.
The asshole of divinity yields
to
the still but hungry waters.
Ink drop as candle sings
beauty's erroneous counterpoints
and contrasts fly
each to make golden
the nervous ocean's gait.
Oh, that one day I may witness
the sun refuse
to
drown.
Aren't" ink drop," "asshole of divinity," "beautiful multi-colored
fly," aspects of the same person, wanting nothing less than to be
Sucked Up, made one with Cloud and Sperm and Sky? Nor was it
long before the desired transformation happened and I found myself
savoring the detached islands of her breasts, or lolling in that stream
which goes from black hair
to
mouth
to
cunt where my eyes lunched
\
.
