228
JULES FEIFFER
WISEMAN: Will you kids quiet it down in there?
COHN:
(whirls toward bedroom)
Wiseman!!
(advances on bedroom
with knife)
I
warn you I'm armed!!
(He disappears behind the
curtain. Sounds of a fight. Violent curtain moves. After a moment
WISEMAN
skips out) opens the refrigerator) takes out a carrot) and
skips back. Throughout
WISEMAN'S
exit and return) the sound of
the fight and the bustling of the curtain continue. A moment later)
COHN
crawls out of the bedroom) his clothes in tatters. He throws
open the trunk in the corner and pulls out a shotgun. He crawls
back inside with the shotgun. A loud blast.
COHN
staggers out)
dragging the dead
WISEMAN.
A door knock.
COHN
freezes) hold–
ing
WISEMAN.) Who's there?
JOAN: Joan.
COHN: Joan who?
JOAN: Joan ask me no questions and
I'll
tell you no lies. (COHN
drags
WISEMAN
over to the trunk and with great difficulty man–
ages to squeeze him into it. But not all of him. He pushes down on
the head and the legs pop out. He sticks the legs back in and the
head and shoulders slide up. This goes on for a while until finally
all of
WISEMAN
is in the trunk and
COHN
slams shut the lid) at
which point the side collapses and
WISEMAN'S
legs pop out.
COHN
stares sullenly at
WISEMAN'S
exposed legs. Another knock.)
COHN:
(wearily)
Joan who?
JOAN:
(sings)
Joan sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me.
COHN:
I
thought so.
(He folds back the edge of the rug) slides the
trunk next to it) then unfolds the rug over
WISEMAN'S
legs. He
skulks back into the bedroom and comes out with the shotgun. He
crosses to the door and listens.)
JOAN: He won't let me in.
FIRST VOICE: He has to!
SECOND VOICE: Did you tell him who you are?
JOAN: No.
FIRST VOICE: Tell him.
JOAN:
I
can't.
SECOND VOICE: Why not?
JOAN:
It
sounds like name-dropping.
FIRST VOICE: Maybe he hasn't heard of you.
JOAN: He must have heard of me.
