234
JOAN: Oh, I don't mean
now.
COHN: You used to be Cinderella?
JOAN: Of course!
JULES FEIFFER
COHN: But now you're Joan of Arc? (JOAN
nods, patiently)
Well,
you're certainly working your way up in the world. Of course, in–
stead of marrying Prince Charming you get burned at the stake,
but you do make sainthood while all Cinderella gets is to live
happily ever after. And in one case Shaw writes about you and
in the other case, Walt Disney. All in all, I'd say you made a wise
choice.
JOAN: Choice? What choice? After the ball, I thought the Prince
loved me and I dreamed - well, no matter what I dreamed–
he came looking for me, door to door, with a glass slipper. Like
.a salesman! ... Can you imagine my shame? That he, my true
love, would only know me by trying a shoe on my foot! I walked
barefoot on rocks, soaked my feet in brine, anything to fail such
a test. But it was never to be made. One door away from ours the
Prince was suddenly called to war and I was left with a broken
heart and a size nine foot. So I became a nun. A very poor nun.
Night after night, visions of our Lord came to me bearing a
gl~
slipper. So I fled the nunnery and traveled the land as a migrant
fruit-picker. I married and begat five Portuguese children. My
husband was a sot and beat me. When my children grew of age,
they beat me. So I threw myself off a bridge, into the river. I
landed on my feet and, to my considerable surprise, saw that I
was standing on the water. I walked on the water for miles trying
to decipher the meaning of my fate. Half-mad with the complexi-
. ties of it all, I tried again to drown myself: this time by standing
on my head and ducking it under the water. But the further under
I ducked, the more the water level receded, until finally, the river
ran dry. I knew that it was a sign! I fell to my knees and prayed
God for His forgiveness and that I should prove myself worthy of
being His servant. I prayed for six days and
six
nights and on the
seventh day my voices came and told me who I was and what I
must do. And now, praise God, I am Joan and I am here!
COHN:
(stares at her, then after a long silence)
I really miss Abe.
JOAN: You don't believe my story.
COHN: You can walk on water, bring back Abe.
