226
JULES FEIFFER
WISEMAN: You miss this Abe? This friend. This Abe. Is he another
unemployed musician?
COHN: A stockbroker. Mutual funds. Retired.
WISEMAN: A wealthy retired stockbroker.
COHN: Yes.
WISEMAN: Supporting you?
COHN: He was sitting in that chair.
WISEMAN: In my chair?
COHN: It's Abe's chair.
WISEMAN: It's Wiseman's chair.
COHN: Who?
WISEMAN: Myself. Helmut Wiseman. It is my chair. You see? I am
sitting in it. See how I sit in it, relax in it, lean back in it? So who's
chair would you say this is? Does it look as if I've ever been out of
this chair? Conversely, does it not look as if I have always been in
this
chair? How tall is this Abe?
COHN: Five-foot eight.
WISEMAN: He is too short for this chair. You either have the wrong
man or the wrong chair. Or the wrong height.
If
you had another
height you might have the right man. But it would still be the
wrong chair. No, I'm sorry, I can't help you. This is my chair. I,
Wiseman. Mine. I know - you must have the wrong house! Try
next door.
COHN: This is my house.
WISEMAN:
(He reters to his clipboard)
Whose?
COHN:
(quickly)
Abe's. Abe and I live here.
WISEMAN: In this house?
COHN: Yes!
WISEMAN: Or a house very much like this?
COHN: It's
this
house!
WISEMAN: Does it have a chair in it very much like this?
COHN: Yes! That's the chair! It has that exact chair!
WISEMAN: What a remarkable coincidence. Is it close by?
COHN: What?
WISEMAN: The house. Please, Cohn. Do pay attention.
COHN: It's here. This! This! This!
WISEMAN: It can't be this house because it's not the right chair.
COHN: It
is
the right chair!
