484
JOYCE CAROL OATES
SHELLEY:
I don't understand. . ..
PETER:
Is it another man? Your father, maybe? You mentioned your
father ... you thought he was following you? Is he following you?
Is his spirit inside you right now?
SHELLEY:
I don't know ... I can't remember.... Why am I stand–
ing here, what am I going to do?
PETER:
That dripping faucet is what you should listen to! Listen to
it, relax. The cords in your neck are standing out, it's ugly, there
are lines beginning in your face, you'll ruin your looks! Love me.
Relax. Forget your father. He won't find you. He's evil, forget him.
Why should you want to kill me when you love me?
SHELLEY:
I was going to do something....
PETER:
You know you love me.
SHELLEY:
I love you, yes....
PETER:
Of course. Now finish supper.
SHELLEY
(turning, baffled):
It
must be my father. You're right. His
spirit is inside me, poisoning me. I know he's going to find me. He
won't give up until he finds me.
(she lets the knife fall to the
floor)
The other time I left home he found me in three days. He
notified the police everywhere in the state. Everyone knew about
me. I couldn't get away.
Runaway,
they called me, they wrote that
down. But they were very nice to me. That was years ago, I was
only a child then ... my father came and took me in his arms and
we wept together.... Last year I left home again but I got sick.
My insides ached. I got the flu from something I ate in a restaurant
in the bus station ... I was very sick ... so I went to the police
myself, I turned myself in. My father was only a few hours
be–
hind me. He drove down and picked me up. This time I've been
away for weeks, I can hardly remember my home, it seems that
I've been away for years and that I'm' a different person, that ev–
erything has changed . . . when I
think
back
(in an attitude of
painful thought)
I can't really remember that home . . . it's like
a glacier has come down over
it . . .
everything is frozen back
there, the people frozen, and there is a girl who used to
be
myself
who is frozen there, a child.... What if my father finds me here?
PETER:
Don't worry, he won't find you.
SHELLEY:
He'll find me, he'll make me go back home with him. ...
PETER:
He can't make you do anything. I'll protect you.
SHELLEY:
I don't want to be that girl again, I don't want to
be
