486
JOYCE CAROL OATES
I gave birth to myself. I read a certain novel, I came across the
character of Peter Verkhovensky, he leapt back into the vacancy
that was myself, and I gave birth to myself at the age of twenty–
five! I introduce myself to everyone as Peter V., because they
would not understand that I am really Peter Verkhovensky of
D0s–
toevsky's great novel
The Possessed.
Peter came to America; he
lost his political fervor; he became an American, a capitalist. He
became me. I became him. But no one can understand that, not
even this sympathetic young lady here, not even you, really there
is no one who can appreciate me, and so I don't explain myself.
I had no father. I was born at the age of twenty-five. Therefore I
have no Oedipal complex, I have no superego, in fact I have no
unconscious at all. I am pure consciousness. I am pure ego.
SHELLEY: My father is coming to get me - I'm afraid-
PETER: He can't bring the police. They need a warrant. You're old
enough to live away from home, you're untouchable, you have
every right to live here, in this room, for the rest of your life.
Remember that!
SHELLEY:
If
he comes here and calls me by name–
PETER: I'll protect you.
SHELLEY: Listen ! I hear someone coming.
PETER: There's nothing.
They listen; there is no sound.
SHELLEY
(panicked) :
Yes, he's coming! I can hear his footsteps!
He's on the stairs ... he must have found out about this room ...
he must have had a detective looking for me.... There's nowhere
I can go that he can't find me. . .
PETER : I don't hear anyone....
SHELLEY : Listen ! He's on the stairs!
PETER: Don't be frightened, what's wrong with you? I said I'd protect
you.
It
might be Martin Raven coming home....
SHELLEY : Footsteps....
PETER
(watching th e door)
:
Remember that you belong to me. Relax.
You belong here. With me. None of this is your fault. You belong
to me and to no one else, not even yourself. You're in love. You
are sometimes high as the ceiling, bouncing around against the ceil–
ing, you are sometimes flat against the floor, your nostrils pressed
to a crack in the floor, you are mine, you are not to blame, you're
in love....
