PARTISAN REVIEW
477
knocked you away with his elbow, protecting himself at once,
he yelled out something at you-
SHELLEY: He yelled, "Get away, you perfumy little bitch! I can
smell you!"
PETER: So I walked up to you and said, "Can I be of assistance?"
SHELLEY: You took my arm....
PETER: You grabbed my arm.
SHELLEY: My fingers closed about your arm by themselves ... I
clutched at you, I was falling, drowning, I couldn't keep my
balance.... Why did that old man yell at me? I could hear hatred
in his voice. But nobody hates me - not me - everybody likes me.
I'm very popular! I couldn't believe it, the hatred in his voice, that
ugly old man.... I grabbed onto your arm and everything seemed
to fall toward you. The sidewalk tilted toward you. Gravity began.
(she poses prettily)
I got off the bus and there you were! You
were what I had been promised. I dreamt about you or someone
like you. Two times before I had run away from home, but I never
found you.... Never. Only police matrons, women with coarse
tired skin, worn out from late hours, from struggling with girls....
PETER: What was I wearing?
SHELLEY: Something white - with green stripes - a green neck–
tie - a straw hat - sunglasses - white shoes - You were so hand–
some ! Your teeth were so white! Your hair was curly, like wood–
shavings, stiff and curly and bunched up around your hat! My
hand went out to you and my fingers closed about your arm, grasp–
ing your arm-
PETER: I saw that you were five foot four inches, that you weighed
115 pounds, that you were eighteen years old, out for a holiday
and needing someone to protect you. Your eyes were hazy even
then - such pretty blue eyes! - tiny circles radiated out from the
iris, looking so blind, so trusting, so much in love. You wanted me
to explain to you that you didn't exist, that it wasn't your fault
and you were not to blame and nobody would punish you, so I
took you home.
SHELLEY
(turning away suddenly):
You kept bumping my head
against the floor. It was the first time for me. You didn't listen.
I had to come all those miles on the bus to get away from home,
to find someone to love, it was the first time for me, but you
didn't listen. Oh, everything entered me!
It
came into me! The
pavement outside - the crowds - the traffic - the buildings-
