PARTISAN REVIEW
475
PETER
speaks buoyantly, as if promoting some goods;
SHELLEY,
however, is motionless, her shoulders slumping, her appearance
dazed and exhausted.
SHELLEY: The first day he brought me here I ran over to the win–
dow. I pushed at the frame like this. I wonder what he thought
of me 1 I don't know
if
I wanted to jump out the window, or
if
I just wanted to scare him. I wonder how I looked. My hair was
long then. I know I was pretty. All girls my age are pretty, more
or less. We can't help it. I can remember pushing at the win–
dow . . . standing here . . . my long hair . . . people out on the
street ... late Saturday afternoon and lots of people ... the
smells of food from the street . . . I wanted to push the window
. apart so that people could see me up here. I wanted to cry out to
them, "Look, it's me, it's Shelley, I've come to live here with you,
I'm going to be one of you 1 I'm in love
I"
Peter V. came up behind
me and put his arms around me. Oh, he loved me then, he loved
. me for a week or more ... he told me it was the longest he'd
ever loved anyone. . . .
PETER: A girl of eighteen or twenty, like that girl, is irresistible. Even
if you've been out on business for three days, as I have ... three
days straight with only a few hours sleep, collecting fees, paying
people off, making telephone calls, in and out of
taxis
and in and
out of buiHngs - what a life 1 I know too many people. Too
many girls like this one. Still, she's irresistible, isn't she? Look at
her healthy gleaming hair, look at her healthy body 1 The very
hC;lftlancl of America is between her ribs, I promise you. Her legs
are pearly and long and lovely. About her there is only the odor
of talcum powder and corn flakes - nothing more, I promise you!
The Girl Scout insignia is tattooed on her breast. I promise
all
that, and more.
SHELLEY: I thought I was calling out for people down there to see
me so that they would be jealous. After
all,
Peter had picked me!
But now I think I was calling for help. He had the door locked
already. I couldn't get out. He locked the door first, then pressed
me flat on the floor - not on the mattress, it wasn't in here yet.
He kept banging my head against the floor, making love to me.
He convinced me that I didn't exist. My body broke up into pieces,
in his hands. It's all different pieces.
