Rite of Passage 2016: Accepting Limitations

Skylar Singer (COM’20) often drives to a beach near his Norwalk, Conn., home. With a serious sleep disorder and depression, he copes by keeping to a strict sleep schedule, getting regular exercise, and eating healthy food. “I can’t be the carefree teenager I wish I was, but I can still do everything that I want to,” he says.

In September BU welcomed the 3,591 freshmen of the Class of 2020, each with a unique journey. Photojournalist Jackie Ricciardi wanted to capture some of their stories. So over the summer, she caught a couple in Boston and traveled to Connecticut and North Carolina to photograph another two as they prepared to leave home for their life’s next chapter. She listened to them and their families as they talked about their dreams and fears and the events that have shaped their lives. BU Today continues last year’s “Rite of Passage” series with the stories of five of the newest Terriers. We kicked off with a photo essay about Abbey Janeira (CAS’20), next up was twin brothers James Robson (ENG’20) and Matt Robson (CFA’20), and then Mandy Yao (SAR’20). We end the series with Skylar Singer (COM’20).

“Do you know the feeling after you wake up from a long night’s sleep—you feel well-rested, ready to take on the day? I have never known that feeling, and I never will,” says Skylar Singer (COM’20). The Norwalk, Conn., native lacks a vital neurotransmitter necessary for getting a restful sleep. The result is always feeling sleep-deprived—but that’s not all.

The constant exhaustion has led to other challenges. Skylar has experienced anxiety since childhood and developed depression in sixth grade, although he wasn’t formally diagnosed until junior year of high school. When treatments for depression failed, doctors suggested a sleep study, which led to a diagnosis of either narcolepsy or idiopathic hypersomnia (they have yet to determine which it is, because of his medications).

“This is my sanctuary,” Skylar says of his room at home. “This is my home within a home.” He’ll miss that sanctuary and being with his friend Glo and other friends when he’s at college.

“My brain seems to be hard-wired toward negativity, so instead of having a bad day and saying, ‘Tomorrow’s a new day,’ it’ll be, ‘Tomorrow will be the same, I will never be happy, it will never get better,’” he says. At times, he’s so tired he can’t drive, his speech slurs, and during classes, he’ll have to put his head down to rest. “I constantly feel like I’m at the end of a long day.”

While he doesn’t want his medical issues to define him, Skylar says, he understands that they’re an inherent part of who he is. He wrote candidly about his struggle with depression in his BU admissions essay, feeling that it was important to be open about his challenges. He told his mother, Mary Jo: “I want to go to a university or college that will accept all of me. This is a big piece of me. And if they can’t accept me for that, then I can’t go there.”

Skylar and his mother, Mary Jo, collaborate on dinner. Eating healthy is even more important for Skylar’s well-being than it is for the typical teenager.

Skylar says he chose BU in large measure because of the school’s willingness to accommodate his needs. At last spring’s Accepted Students Day, he and his parents met first thing with Disability Services associate director Stacey Harris, who reassured them that the University could provide the support he would need. “The level of calm reassurance and sense that don’t-worry-we-have-him just put the whole day into a quiet, ah-we-can-relax mode,” Mary Jo Singer says.

Since it’s easier for him to learn material by listening to audiobooks rather than reading texts, Disability Services staff suggested a pen that would allow him to record classes so he could play them back later. And knowing how important sleep is, he was given a single when he moved into Common Ground House.

“Once I got on campus and met everyone, I found they were way nicer and more supportive than anyone else I’d met in my process,” Skylar says. Choosing BU “wasn’t a contest.”

When Skylar first started at local ice cream shop Sweet Ashley’s, his mom says, it was difficult for him. “But he refused to give up and refused to quit.” Now he is part of the hiring process at the store, and has taken on other managerial tasks. “He’s the Sweet Ashley’s success story,” she says.

The COM student is still deciding whether to focus on film and television or cinema and media studies. He is passionate about films and TV, and recalls that when he wanted to watch shows his parents thought were inappropriate, he wrote essays about the shows’ merits and deeper meanings. His mother notes one such incident when Skylar was 13. “He met me with an essay of what was really happening in Sex in the City, how it was about the dynamics of the relationships and how they supported each other.” His argument was so convincing that she relented and let him watch. “I thought at that point he was going to be a lawyer, because the insights were so well documented and so thorough,” she says. His father’s dictum: if he wanted to watch such shows and movies, he’d have to review them. That led Skylar to start writing a blog in 2013. “It was a great way to study life, from a movie theater seat,” he says.

Until recently, he thought he wanted to be a film critic. “I’ve always said that I don’t have enough ideas to make something of my own,” he says, “but I have enough ideas to make fun of someone else’s ideas, so film critic seemed like the perfect choice.” But it turns out, he does have ideas—when he tried his hand at screenwriting, he really enjoyed it. So for now, he’s stopped writing the blog and turned to screenplays.

Saying good-bye: As his parents, Mary Jo and Scott, returnd home, Skylar was looking forward to experiencing all that college has to offer. “I’ve kind of outgrown Norwalk,” he says. “I can’t wait to jump into Boston.”

As he’s been settling into college, he knows he has to maintain a balance between work and rest. “I have to be more responsible than I wish I had to be,” he says. “Because I’m constantly exhausted, I can’t work too hard or else I’ll break down, so that’s always a difficult balancing act.”

Before he left for BU, Skylar was feeling some concern about leaving behind the support system he’s built at home—friends, teachers, parents, and older brother, Jonah, a student at U Conn. “I don’t think I’ll have trouble meeting people or making friends,” he said then, “but navigating the transition means that I’ll need help.

“I don’t have the depth of relationships to provide the support that I’m used to getting or that I’ve had in the past. But I know that if anywhere, BU is the place to find it, and I’ll figure it out. It’s just a matter of time and working through it.”

Sara Dyer can be reached at shdyer@bu.edu.

This Series

Rite of Passage 2016: A Desire to Help Others

Also in

Rite of Passage

• October 31, 2016

  Rite of Passage 2016: Transforming Loss into Passion

• September 29, 2016

  Rite of Passage 2016: Learning from Adversity

• October 1, 2015

  Rite of Passage: Living with Chronic Pain

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