Preparing for Break: When home* is not the safest place

A Safety Planning Guide

Transitions and unstructured time can be hard for anyone. Returning to an environment where you feel unsafe and at risk of experiencing physical, emotional, or psychological harm can worsen that experience. At SARP, we recognize that a student who is a survivor of family violence or who has experienced trauma in their hometown may be feeling alone and unsure as they prepare for long breaks away from campus. You’re not alone. You may be concerned about being ostracized because of your gender and sexuality, sibling or parental violence, childhood sexual abuse, or abuse from a former partner and/or friend. 

SARP has created a discrete safety planning checklist to help you prepare for break, regardless of where you’ll be. If you have concerns about the safety of returning home and/or the feasibility of being able to remain on campus, SARP is here for you. You can reach a SARP counselor 24/7 at 617-353-7277 to talk about these concerns or need help completing this checklist.

What is Safety Planning?

Safety planning is a process through which survivors can think about ways to stay safer in physically, emotionally, and/or psychologically harmful environments. Remember that no matter what you choose to do or not do, experiences of harm are never a survivor’s fault. Note that each individual’s experience is unique; take what works for you and leave what doesn’t. If you are a supporter of someone in an unsafe situation, you can do safety planning with them, but remember to focus on empowerment when creating a safety plan with someone. It should be their choice whether or not they want to engage.

When safety planning, it can be helpful to consider what has worked in the past and new ideas for feeling safer. Consider the following prompts: 

How can I avoid being alone with someone who may harm me?

• If you are concerned about someone you have to see, but you’re not staying with, are there ways to only see them in public places or with another person present?
• If you live with the person of concern what can you do in the home to increase your sense of safety (being away from home, locking doors, spending time with other members of the household, finding fulfilling solo activities)

What are some reasons I can give others that I need to get out of the house or an interaction? 

• It can feel awkward to come up with an idea on the spot when you’re feeling unsafe or triggered by your environment or an interaction. Planning ahead can help you feel more confident when sharing why you are leaving the home or don’t want to participate in an activity.
• Think about things you can do that are accessible such as third spaces like libraries, cafes, or diners you’d like to visit in the area. 

Are there people who I am comfortable telling about my situation?

• Do you have friends, a neighbor, or a former teacher or guidance counselor, who is already aware of your situation? If not, think of someone you could tell. 
• Some people find it helpful to have coded ways to ask for help from their support people. This can look like:
  • If I send my code word, can you call X (e.g. support person or 911) 
  • When we’re out tonight and X approaches me can you create a distraction so that we don’t have to be alone together?
• If it feels safe and supportive, can you invite someone over to spend time with you?

 What patterns have I noticed when things escalate? 

• Are there patterns you notice before a violent incident? 
• Are there safer places you can go when you notice things start to escalate?

 What can I do if I need to quickly leave the area?

• What public transit is available?
• Do I have a trusted neighbor or friend I can call?
• It can be helpful to keep the items you brought with you relatively packed up the whole trip. 

Download SARP’s Safety Planning Checklist Here.