82
PARTISAN REVIEW
Fran ce, [ can ' t sta nd tha t, Ameri ca is imposs ibl e. [don 't know how
you can stand to li ve there. Everybody comes here. Everybody w ill
come h ere. T h en it w ill be ruin ed. IL will be over. I w ill go some–
p lace else.
K:
Wh a t is th e mysteri ous element your con versa ti on seems
to
be
a bout, i.e., the possibl e conditi on s for life. I mean , wha t is the actual
content of the sta tement that "Thi s is th e onl y p lace to li ve"?
C: Just what it says. T h ere is no p lace else. Look a t Spa in , look at
Fra nce, look at Ameri ca. Here it's amaz in g. T hey used to h ave it-it
u sed to be-in Spa in.
K:
I don ' t understand wha t " it " is.
C: Stop it. You 're p uttin g me on . Everybody knows it. Yo u fee l it. Yo u
onl y h ave to come here, you fee l it, and , if you ca re a bo ut it that
much , you stay.
K :
And that is how you stayed?
C:
Yes. I came h ere and felt it. Spa in was over. I had been li vin g in
Spa in .
K:
How strange we Amer ican s are wh en you think a bout it, some of us
an yway, with o ur endl ess ques t fo r the .'secret. " It 's curi o us to find it
in a pl ace. Is
it
ma inl y a ques ti on of fecl in g, of how you feel?
C:
If
you don ' t understa nd it-
K:
I think I do. But it 's a thin g peop le usua ll y a ren ' t very specific
a bo ut. T hey' re mys ti ca l. To ta lk a bo ut
it
in a no ther way mi ght be
interes ting.
C: Ameri can s a re a lways lookin g fo r the interes tin g .
K:
T h at's sort of wh a t I was say in g a bout you-living here. ..
C: T hat's no t the same. You , I thin k, a re interested in the
" interestin g " -it's from li ving where you do, I don ' t know,
it
seems
very American-interes tin g facts, interes tin g tidbits, int eres tin g da ta,
thi s and th at. And a ll for wh at ? Fo r no thin g . To <Tea te mo re interes t
fo r interest for interes t a nd so on ad infinitum , like a billi on little
fl eas each ch as ing each o ther a ll over the pl ace. Wh at is it fo r? Here
tha t doesn ' t happen .
K:
Wha t is there here in stead ?
C:
I don ' t know if I can expla in . But
it
isn ' t th a t. T here is a kind of
centra lity to experience. A majo r tone. Ju st tha t.
K:
It
g ives you that kind of fee ling.
C:
It
is rea ll y here,
it
exi sts.
K:
You receive from li ving here a ma in fee lin g. It makes you " feel
p roper" -the way fo r someon e else, li vin g with his grandparents
mi ght.
