JOHN HAFFENDEN
575
tive"
crisis-"reallife
1 mean." He had permission from Dr. Erickston
to
take two hours out of the hospital in order to give his afternoon
lecture at the University. Jim losel did not approve of this licence and
enlisted Dr. Mann's help to oppose Dr. Erickson's decision. According
to Berryman's own account in
Recovery,
Jim came in that morning
and told him:
'I've just talked to Dr. (Erickson) on the phone and he's withdrawn
his consent to your pass.' 1 was horrified. 1 am not sure I have ever
been so shocked in my life. I said, 'You and he have no authority over
me, I'll just call a cab and go.' Then the heat began. 'You're shaking
like a leaf. ' 1 said, 'I don 't shake when 1 lecture' (and on the whole
that's true). 'You can't walk.' 'I can walk we\1 enough. There's an
elevator.' 'We're afraid you may have a convulsion.' 'A convulsion,' 1
said grimly, That's science fiction, I've never had a convulsion in my
life.'
The Chief Counse\1or, silting in, after some speech of mine about my
duty to the kids, said, 'I read: grandiosity and false pride.' Later he
described me as a blind man who has hold of an elephant by the tail
and gives a description of it; I looked at him bitterly and said, 'You're
witty.' 'Judgmental as ever,' he smiled at me.
Eventually, Berryman gave in and said he would not go. Marion
Mann, who was in the therapy group at the time, grew very concerned
about the class. "They were all consolation, advice, sympathy, even
praise," recalled Berryman. "I couldn't understand it and did not give
two ounces of gerbil-dung." He felt he was irreplaceable, but Marion
Mann suggested that Jim losel, himself an episcopal minister, could
undertake the class, "and there was (Jim) looking hot-faced at me
saying, 'I'll give your lecture for you.' 1 felt stunned.... 1said, 'I could
kiss you! ' He said-he's a maniac-'Well, do,' and so help me 1leaned
across Keg (who, it vaguely and irritably even in that moment came
to
me, was
laughing)
and (Jim) and 1 embraced and kissed cheeks."
Berryman was overwhelmed with gratitude and self-reproach; he wept
copiously and had to be escorted from the room.
losel remembers being "scared
to
death" during the lecture on St.
John's Gospel. He presented some of Berryman's good but sketchy
material, and some of his own. Berryman's notes emphasized the
powerful, majestic elements in the Gospel. About seventy-five students
turned up; they were bored and restless-probably because that day
coincided with a student strike against the war in Cambodia. The
students were wearing red arm-bands; losel brought one back
to
the
hospital for Berryman-to his displeasure. losel assumed that "he was
