472
JOYCE CAROL OATES
SHELLEY: In the next hour they are going to prove that I exist! The
proof will be shown to me! Demonstrated here on
this
stage! ...
We are always being shown the proof of one thing or another.
Magazines are filled with photographs and charts and graphs that
prove things. Television is always proving the existence of people:
they move their mouths and arms, they speak, they come alive,
they are given names and they exist. Scientists have proved many
things and brought them into existence. Chemicals are shaken in
test tubes, atoms are exploded, X rays of our heads show all kinds
of growths and designs, as intricate as snowflakes. It is all very
interesting. It is educational. There are solar systems the size of
your smallest fingernail, floating around in the air. There is the ex–
istence of God, in the universe. A slap in the face convinces you
that certain other people exist. My head was banged on the floor
over there
(pointing to a corner of the stage)
and it made me
understand that the floor exists. One day I got very tall and the
ceiling up there
(pointing to the ceiling)
brushed against the top
of my head, so I knew that the ceiling existed also. I'm hungry.
SHELLEY
walks slowly about the stage, in a daze, looking
terr
something to eat.
SHELLEY: There's food in here somewhere. Where did he put it?
I think I smell food. Is it under here?
(lifting some junk)
My head
aches. I think it's because I haven't eaten. I ate the day before
yesterday, but what about yesterday? I made my husband, Martin,
something to eat yesterday, or maybe it was the day before yes–
terday. I wonder if he ate all of it, or did he leave some? Where
is it? I smell food in here.... Something smells in here. Maybe
it's food from years ago. My head aches but I'm not really hungry.
My stomach is very tight and probably food couldn't squeeze into
it. I don't like the smell in here. Too many people have lived in
here. Now the building is condemned, I overheard Peter telling
Martin that, I think I overheard him saying that....
The building
is condemned.
I do smell food, stale food! It's years old! The
smells are proof that people once lived here. I can almost see those
people in the air, the shapes of people, strangers. . . .
(she looks
about, dreamily and with a sense of dread)
They are almost shaped
out of the air. There are so many invisible people in the world.
They are always crowding me, pushing against me ... their elbows,
their
feet~
their breaths in my face.... Visible or invisible they are
always crowding me. They want to crowd us
all,
push off the edge
