432
JOYCE CAROL OATES
Why did you go crazy?
I want to
ask
her
Why did you marry my father?
I
want to ask her
Why don't you let me
go?
Inside her
skull,
with its patchy
gray hair, are all these secrets. I want
to bump my head against hers, seizing
her, screaming into her.
Afterward I must see Dr. van Geel.
Dr. van Gee!: Are you aware that
she fears you? She
says
you threaten
her.
How could I threaten her?
Dr. van Gee!: In spite of her ap–
pearance, she
is
really very disturbed.
We don't understand. She gets con–
fused easily and claims to hear what
people are thinking....
Doesn't she hear me think of love?
How loudly must I think of love? I am
twenty-five years old, sitting in this hos–
pital office, thinking of love and trem–
bling.
Dr. van Gee!: No,
if
you stop your
visits
she'll become depressed. You must
continue seeing her. It's
all
she
has
to
live for, really.... When she fights
with the other women it's always about
their daughters, you and the other
woman's daughter, first they talk
~
gether in a very friendly way, then your
mother starts
to
get excited, then the
fighting begins.... Now, the first
part
of
this
week your mother was extremely
well-behaved, she did her
assigned
work, she kept talking about you. She
became very confused. She pressed her
hands against her head and told us
she
was trying to get in contact with you,
to find out
if
you were in danger....
