Assisting Students Grieving the Loss of a Loved One
Actively Moving Forward offers support, sense of community
- BUâs chapter of Actively Moving Forward is a student-led support group for those grieving a death
- Members perform outreach and complete community service projects in memory of those who died
- One in three college students experienced the death of someone close to them within the last year
Allison Zuckerberg met with a counselor immediately after her best friend died by suicide during her freshman year. It was a temporary solution, she says; afterwards she stopped talking about the loss. Then when she went to BUâs annual activities fair Splash at the start of junior year, she discovered the BU chapter of Actively Moving Forward (AMF), a support group for, and run by, college students coping with the loss or illness of a loved one.
The BU AMF chapter, which is not affiliated with any religion, was started in 2013, and holds biweekly support meetings and members perform outreach and community service on campus.
âOur motto is âGrief sucks but we get it,ââ says Zuckerberg (CASâ18), now president of AMF. âI tell people that we are a group who have all gone through it and are in different stages of grief. You can see how other people have coped, or if youâre further along in the grieving process, you can give help to other people.â
While professional services, such as licensed counseling, are indispensable, Zuckerberg says, students can also benefit from talking to peers about their loss and developing ways for coping. They may be surprised to learn that they are not alone: approximately one in three college students have experienced the death of someone close to them within the last year, according to the national AMF organization.
BU group advisor Margaret Ross, medical director of the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders and former medical director of Behavioral Health at Student Health Services, says that grieving students often feel different, especially during times like Move-in, Family and Friends Weekend, or other events, if they have lost a parent and see that their roommate has two parents present. âIf the student is actively grieving, they may not feel like participating in events or socializing with people they feel canât understand what they are going through,â Ross says. âSo having a chance to spend time with others who understand this can be very valuable.â
AMF meetings are held every other Monday night and are confidential and open-ended. Each meeting begins with someone sharing a personal story of loss and the ways they are dealing with it. And every meeting has a theme, such as how to deal with the stresses of college life, navigating relationships, and how to handle the holidays while grieving.
âSpending time with other students going through similar experiences, or people whoâve gone through it, feels comfortable and validating,â Ross says. âThe AMF events may have something to do with the experience of loss, but mostly they just offer an opportunity for students to spend time with others who can relate. Sometimes, being with people who have gotten through the grief gives us hope that there is a path forward, that we can get through it too. We all tend to seek out people who make us comfortable, and this is what AMF is for.â
Last year, AMF successfully helped to create a formal bereavement policy for BU students, the first of its kind. Students are now granted a leave of up to five weekdays to grieve the death of an immediate family member.
âWe were really passionate about this,â says AMF past president Micayla Freehan (Sargentâ17), who worked with fellow members Emily Fitzgerald (ENGâ16) and Avion Cummings (CGSâ14, Sargentâ16) to collect and study samples of other schoolsâ bereavement policies. They then drafted a proposal and presented it to Kenneth Elmore (SEDâ87), associate provost and dean of students. âWe knew it was difficult to change policies at BU, but he was supportive from the start,â Freehan says. âWe worked with a committee of professors and administrators to craft the policy. The whole process took about a year and a half.â
Freehan, who lost her father during junior year of high school, says AMF helps students find a community for grieving. âWith all the other stresses in college, itâs really nice to find a common ground, especially when a tragedy like losing a loved one happens,â she says. âNo matter how long itâs been, there are triggers, days you are going to be upset. These are people who understand what youâre going through, they are someone to talk to, who wonât look at you like you have two heads, or say, âItâs been seven years, get over it.â Itâs important to have that support when you need it.â
Today, Monday, November 13, is World Kindness Day and AMF is partnering with healthy snack food company KIND to set up large chalkboards on Marsh Plaza, where from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. members of the BU community can post their pledges to be kind. There will be free flowers, KIND bars, âgrief sucksâ lollipops, and information about Actively Moving Forward. Find more information here.
Visit the Actively Moving Forward Facebook page.
Comments & Discussion
Boston University moderates comments to facilitate an informed, substantive, civil conversation. Abusive, profane, self-promotional, misleading, incoherent or off-topic comments will be rejected. Moderators are staffed during regular business hours (EST) and can only accept comments written in English. Statistics or facts must include a citation or a link to the citation.