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PARTISAN REVIEW
dealer, about your hand. Just now and then, when the pot's big enough,
honey," and he ran his finger down my neck in imitation, before 1 pushed him
off.
Christ, 1 thought, Christ! "I see," 1 nodded, not letting on about the full
impact. Oh was 1 innocent, a real schnook! For payment, 1 forced a drink
down too fast, and immediately began coughing like crazy.
"Take it easy, fella, or you'll burn yourself up before the next lesson."
Well for the next few weeks 1 worked hard, taking more drinking
lessons, and getting familiar with the stuff. At the same time 1 was reading
more about Philip's descent into peculiar slavery to the vulgar, anemic wait–
ress, Mildred. What illness!
Two Fridays later, in late February, 1 was ready for jackson's Hole
again. Of course 1 had already paid him back his ten bucks, plus a buck
interest, the past week. But having written me off as a player when 1 had
skipped a week, he was surprised to see me reappear.
"Hey folks, look who's back," he announced to the gang.
Callie welcomed me warmly, and with her was a new woman. When 1
asked about Gen, Callie said, "Oh she might turn up yuh can nevah tell with
that chick. A little high, a lot depressed, most of the time. She sorta liked you
though. Hey, come on and tell us what's been happenin, this heah'sJacie." 1
said hello to the slim pretty woman, nodded to the two other men, including
Olepal Spats or Cecil, and sat down. This time Bernie came on in too, which
made me feel easier. Now the sounds of rock-and-roll and the blinking of
neon lights and the lurid appeal of perfumey smoke didn't confuse or startle
me. On the contrary, 1 felt prepared, ready, a kind of student of sin. And
when the same routine prevailed, with Jackson asking about a movie while
we waited for more hands, 1 said sure, and watched the flick come on. Ten
minutes into it, however, and carefully nursing my one drink, 1 said 1 had
forgotten something and made my way back out, and over to our side of the
basement. There, I opened the Americana room, and entered, and quietly
climbed the ladder back to my peephole post, viewing the situation. Seeing
the movie on the wall, and hearing the same whirring and voices, here on the
outside, made me feel curiously on top of things, apart. Now, 1 prayed, if!
could only get the cards....
But 1didn't
1waited and waited, 1 played and set the women aside, 1 stayed clear–
headed and goody-goody, and still couldn't get the cards. Steadily, surely, 1
lost the twelve dollars that 1 put away for the game, and dipped into my
weekly savings, accepting the punishment as my due. At one point 1went to
urinate, and stopped to look in on the small dark room of my dingy orgy just
a few weeks back. On the wall the blowup photo of that faraway island with
