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PARTISAN REVIEW
bucks-enough not only to help out Mosey, who had lost his last week's salary
in his card game, and give my mother, but also, enough with my savings to
buy right off the Royal typewriter. Why not shoot for the whole thing, I
thought, while running so hot? Laughter at the jokes, going so well, I even
drank a bit more, and played on, and on.
Well, you know the rest. How I blew the winnings, blew Mosey's
paycheck, blew my mother's share, blew my initial twenty bucks as well.
The cards simply turned against me and nothing I could do was good enough.
While the Spinners sang, I lost my charmed life. If I played it conservative, I
lost; when I played aggressive, I lost; when I tried to bluff, I was called and
defeated; when I didn't call a bluff, I played the sucker. As it slipped away,
and my spirit sank, the women stayed right with me, though, Callie whisper–
ing I'd come back and Buffalo patting my knee. Inside I was sweating it out,
however, knowing I was falling and unable to stop it, looking up at the wall
calendars and seeing them smiling, and burning from the rich abundance ofa
half hour ago, now gone.
Until Jackson shocked me by saying, "Wanna borrow a ten or twenty,
Aaron? Looks like you need some now to ante up right here, buddy."
Well, when I realized he was right, my bundles gone and my big bills
gone too from my pockets, I had to restrain my anguish, and tried my best
for a manly sort of look. "Nah," I answered him, "I should havejust quit
when I was ahead, I guess." Callie tried to console me by offering me "to
forget things for a while," in the back room with her, but I declined. There
was to be no consolation.
Saying, "I guess I better get going after all," I stood up, and probably
wobbled a bit, for Jackson was at my side, steadying me.
He inquired, "You okay now? Why doncha rest a while before taking
off huh?"
"Nah , I'm okay." But when I checked my pockets for my keys, I dis–
covered that I had no real money left, not even lunch money for the next
week! My eyes grew bleary, and I cursed myself privately: You stupid
prick, you schmuck with earflaps.
Aside to Jackson I asked if he could loan me five till next week.
"Hey man, I wouldn't let you leave stone-broke. Here's ten, man,
how's that?"
I thanked him, said goodbye to the women who pecked me on the
cheek (Callie calling, "See you next Friday huh Aaron?" ), and made the re–
turn journey through the elevator to the other, more familiar side of the
basement. My stomach churned, my head swirled, and a spiral of desolation
swept up through me.
I think the next few hours (and next few days) were the low points of
