JOHN HILDEBIDLE
65
empty space on the wall where the picture of the three of them had
hung, but otherwise the room was the same. She hadn't even moved
the furniture , so it was like she was waiting for him the whole time .
She was smoking too much but that was just nerves . "You look good,"
he said; which was mostly true, except her neck had this stringy look
he'd never noticed before . Still nobody was talking except the TV.
He didn't quite know whether to sit down or not. "Hey look I know
it'll take a little time and all but maybe we could at least talk, okay?"
he said . But Jo-An was even watching the commercials . "All right,"
he said, "so I could have written or something or called but what's
done is done. Jesus . Maybe like they say I needed to grow up a little,
you know? I can see that. " He kept almost expecting Ricky to come
down the hall. Jo-An lit her fourth cigarette. Verna's guy just stood
there , rocking slightly on his heels. Verna had this grin on her face
that made her look even more like a raccoon than ever . Kelly drank
his beer. "So maybe I didn't spend enough time around here and all.
That's over. We've got to go on living, right? I had to figure out a few
things . Now at least we've got each other, right? Jesus . Will some–
body fucking say something?" Verna laughed and said, "You're hap–
pier talking to yourself anyway." Verna's guy said, "I should throw
him out?" but Jo-An finally looked at Kelly and shook her head . "It's
his beer and his house . Let him have it . I'll come sleep in your spare
room." It took her all of ten minutes to pack, and she left without
even turning off the TV.
He didn't believe in ghosts and anyway Ricky's old room was
the one place she'd changed , stripping down the wallpaper with the
bears and firetrucks, and replacing the old furniture with one of those
foam rubber couches that fold out into a bed. But Kelly kept the door
closed anyway. And he couldn't see sleeping in their room either, so
he sacked out the first night on the living room sofa. In fact before
long he was pretty much living in that one room. Verna's guy stopped
back twice to get more ofJo-An's things. Kelly figured he could wait
it out. He filled in on weekends at the sporting-goods store at the
mall, and he was putting some money in the bank, toward the paint
job and maybe he'd add a room at the back like they'd always talked
about doing. He didn't waste time calling her because he was sure
Verna would answer the phone. By spring he was really feeling settled
back. The papers were full of spring-training stories but even that
didn't bother him any more . The weather turned hot for a week or so
and he was thinking about maybe putting in a garden. Then Jo-An
showed up with the divorce papers. Jesus. But if she'd wanted that
