JOHN HILDEBIDLE
59
but who was at least the only one not on the verge of tears. Jo-An
was upstairs, they said, with Ricky until they gave him something to
sleep and then the doctor could see them. At least nobody felt like
talking. Esther grabbed Kelly's hand so tight he thought she might
crack his knuckles. He sat on the arm of one of the chairs , his legs
tight from sitting all day and his head a little thick from the beers and
his shoulder still stiff. There was faint bouncy music coming from
somewhere, and the place smelled of floorwax and flower arrange–
ments and Harry's cigar. Kelly needed to pee but Esther wasn't about
to let go of his hand. Even though the lobby was cool, almost too
cool, Kelly felt sweat running down under his arms and between his
legs . He was somehow too large for the room, as if the chair were
shrinking under him and everything else along with it , until it all
broke under his weight. He could not sit still any longer; the skin of
his back tightened as if he were being dragged up by a crane . He
pried his hand loose from Esther and found the men's room; safely
inside, he took off his shirt and wiped himself down with a wet paper
towel .
Jo-An's face was still set in the placid grin she'd been using to
help Ricky get to sleep, but her body slumped and her hair was all
limp . She and Kelly sat in chairs covered with a prickly fabric that
went right through his shirt so that he had to concentrate on keep–
ing still. She held his hand as tightly as Esther had, listening to the
smooth-faced doctor, who was too young and looked pretty tired him–
self. Kelly could not follow what he was saying.
It
was all long words
and question marks,
early to tell, looks serious but more tests, a lot of devel–
opments lately.
. . .
Kelly felt himself drifting backward until he was
safely a mile or so away and could see it all through powerful binoc–
ulars : the pink-cheeked doctor playing with a toy plastic head that
came apart.
If
he could drift just a little farther it would go away; but
his wife's hand kept him tethered and the doctor's voice could just
carry across the distance : "Mostly it's a wait-and-see proposition, I'm
afraid . There's a fellow in Boston who might be able to tell us more,
but let's see what we can find out here first, okay? And we'll try to
keep" - his eyes went down to the open file in front of him - "Richard
comfortable." "Ricky," Jo-An said , "we call him Ricky." "Right," the
doctor said, as if she'd passed a test, "of course . Now you two try to
get some rest as well."
She was going to spend the night on a cot set up in Ricky's
room. Now that she had hauled Kelly back, one way or another, she
seemed not very concerned about his being there; once the doctor
