78
PARTISAN REVIEW
assistallts kn ew wha t LO make of il. T ha t ni ght did no t lead an ywhere.
It
had
lO
end in the gUller, a t a certa in pl ace by the blind wa ll o f
no thin gncss and secret shame. All the pa ths leadin g imo the ni ght
turned back to the shop. All soni es a llempted in LO the depth o f it were
doomed from the o utsel. The shop ass istants winked back onl y from
pol itencss.
The bl ack-bearded man and my fa ther, arm in a rm, left the sho p
full o f energy, fo lloweJ by the to lerant looks of the young men .
Immedi atel y o utside the door, da rkness oblitera ted their heads a t a
stroke, and they p lunged il1lo the bl ack wa ters of the ni ghl.
Who has ever plumbed the depths o f a Jul y ni ght , who has eveJ
measured how man y fa thoms of emptiness there a re" in whi ch no thing
happens? Having crossed tha t bl ack infinity, the two men aga in stood
in front o f the door as if they had just left it, hav ing rega ined their
heads with yes terday's wo rds still unused on their lips. Standing thus
fo r a long time, they conversed in mono to nes, as if they had just
return ed from a d istant expediti on . They were now bo und by the
comradeship of a ll eged adventures and nig httime excesses. T h ey
p ushed back th eir ha ts as d runks do and rocked on unstead y legs.
Avo iding the lighted fron t of the shop , they stea lthil y ent ered the
po rch o f the ho use and began to wa lk qui etl y up the creaking steps LO
the first floor. T hey crept o ut onLO the balcony and stood in front o f
Adela 's window trying to look a t the sleeping g irl. They could no t see
her. She lay in sh adow, her mo uth sli ghtl y open , sobbing uncon–
scio usly in her sleep , her head thrown back and burning, fana ti call y
eng rossed in her dreams. T hey knocked a t the bl ack windowpanes, and
san g dirty son gs. But Adela, a letha rgic smil e on her ha lf- opened li ps,
was wa ndering, numb and h ypno ti zed , on her di stant roads, mil es
away o utside their reach .
Then , p ropping themselves up aga inst th e ra il o f the ba lcon y, they
yawned broadl y and lo udl y in resigna tion and began
to
kick their feet
aga in st the ba lustrade. At some la te and unknown ho ur of the ni ght,
they fo und their bodies aga in on two na rrow beds, floa ting on hi gh
mounta ins o f bedding. T hey swam on them side by side, racing o ne"
ano ther in a ga ll op of sno ring .
At some still mo re distant mil e of sleep-had the flow o f sleep
jo ined their bodi es, or had their dreams imperceptibl y merged imo
one?-they felt tha t lyin g in each ano th er's arms they were still
fighting a difficult, uncon sciou s duel. They were panting, face to face in
ster il e effort. T he black-bea rded man lay on LOp of my fa ther like the
angel on LOp of J acob. My fa ther pressed aga inst him with a ll the
