BRUNO SCHULZ
67
Whil e he was opening tha t heavy, ironcl ad door, the grumbling
dusk took a step back from th e ent rance, moved a few inches deeper,
changed pos iti on and lay down aga in inside. T he morning freshness,
ri si ng li ke smo ke from the coo l til es o f the pavement, stood shyl y on
the th resho ld in a tin y, t.rembling stream of air. Inside the shop the
da rkness o f many preceding days and nigh ts iurked in the unopened
bales o f d o th , arran ged itself in layers, until it spent itse lf a t the very
hea rt o f the shop , in the storeroom, where it di ssolved, undifferenti a ted
and self-sa tura ted , into a dull y looming arch -ma tter of clo th .
My fa ther wa lked along tha t high wa ll of chevio ts and cords,
pass in g hi s hand ca ress ingly a long the upri ght ba les. Under hi s touch
th e rows o f blind torsos ever ready to fall over or break o rder, calmed
down and entrenched themselves in their cl oth hi erarch y and prece–
dell ce.
For my Lith er o ur sho p was the place of eternal anguish and
torment. Tha t crea ture of hi s hands had for some time, in the years of
its grow th , been pu shing against him ever more viol entl y from day to
dav. and had fin all y outgrown him. The shop became for him a task
beyond his streng th , a t once immense and sublime. The immensity o f
its cla ims fri ghtened him. Considering with awe their extent which he
coul d no t sa tisfy even with hi s life, he looked with despair a t the
fri vo lity o f hi s shop ass istants, their sill y carefree optimism, their jokes
and tho ughtless manipul a ti o ns, occurring at th e margins, as it were, of
that g rea t bu siness enterprise. With bitter irony he watched tha t gallery
of faces undi sturbed by any worry, those foreheads innocent of an y
idea , looked in to the depths of those trusting eyes never troubl ed by
even the sli ghtes t shadow o f doubt. For a ll her loyalty and devo tion ,
how could my mother help him? The rea liza tion of ma tters of a hi gher
o rder was o utside the scope o f her simple and uncomplica ted mind .
She had no t been crea ted for heroi c tasks. Fo r he did notice tha t behind
hi s back she occas ionall y exchanged qui ck and understanding looks
with th e shop ass ista nts, g lad o f an y moment without supervi sion ,
when she could take part in their fa tuous clowning .
My fa ther sepa ra ted himself more and more from tha t world of
li ghl -heartedness and escaped into the hard di scipline of total dedi ca–
ti on . and horrified by th e laxity spreading everywhere, he shut himself
off in the lonely service of hi s hi gh idea l. His hand never strayed from
the rein s, he never a ll owed himself a relaxa ti on of rules or the comfort
of facil e so luti ons.
T ha t was good eno ugh fo r Balanda
&
Co. and these other dil et–
tanti o f the trade, who knew not the hunger fo r perfection nor the
asceti cism o f hi g h priesthood. My falher suffered when he saw the
