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PARTISAN REVIEW
o f medita ti on , and I was surpri sed tha t Raymond , genera ll y so o paque
to a ll such ideas, seemed genuin ely absorbed by it. He returned to the
subj ect o f med ita ti on aga in and aga in but reitf'ra ted hi s adamant belief
tha t "Cissy is gone for ever," and sa id he could onl y rela te tha t fact to
the futilit y of o ther peopl e's prayers which h e saw as fund amentall y no
mo re than "askin g for things" which , he sa id, he would be too proud
to
do. That suggests tha t there was a lways onl y one thing he wo uld
wi sh to as k for- and tha t he knew to be irra tio nal. We did no t ever
manage to convince him tha t one need have no concern with (nor belief
in ) personal surviva l nor even with the na ture or exi stence o f God , yet
still be di sposed to practi se medita tion . T o me it seemed ana logous
to
the concentra ti ons enj oyed by the interp retive musician , but I did not
ever detect in Raymond tha t sort of aestheti c ori enta ti on which might
have given meaning to the ana logy.
It was onl y when we all talked o f leav in g for Los Angeles tha t he
became suddenl y ira te, mono po lizing a ttenti on and to ta ll y unsym–
pa thetic to Evelyn 's needs and my des ire to be with her in
her
bereavement. Then
we
realised tha t thi s proximity to a sudden dea th
had put Raymond back into his own trauma ti c time of the same season
two years previously, and he was making himself quite ill with anxi ety.
So we a ll gave up the idea of my immedia te return , the heroic Evelyn
insisting upon it, and I stayed on an extra four days until I felt
reasonabl y sure he had recovered his poise. I la ter lea rned tha t he had
minded my spending even the two last days o f my California time with
Evelyn before my departure. This became one of those incidents to be
congea led in hi s mind in immutabl e grievance; I had fa il ed him as a
good fri end . But I had seen no si gn of vexa tion about it a t the time, nor
any di sturbances o ther than those evoked by Edward 's dea th.
However, he continued to telephone Evelyn , to read her various
bits o f non sense
h e
had written in the hope o f cheering her up and
wrote la ter to me: " I think I reall y have a fri end there, a very rea l
fri end." Throughout February he sounded cheerful (though beset with
laryngitis and dermatological ills described a t length ) but the great
news was tha t already he had a "swee t new Australi an secretary " and
was being well looked after, to our grea t relief. Her enterprising spirit
soon pervaded hi s life, and he praised her honesty, as he did mine. He
was very soon immensely involved with helping her get a divorce, but
also seemed briefly concerned with the pursuit o f a lady he had spo ken
o f when in Ari zona (no t, however, thought so intelligent as hi s
secreta ry), so hi s La Jo lla ma trimonial plans seemed already well under
way. He wrote and telephoned us o ften about the Australian famil y
