76
SANFORD CHERNOFF
missing," Sophie whispered upon one of my returns and, leaning
even closer, told me not to worry. She would, she said, tell me what
it was all about later. And she did , the minute we got out on the
street. " I figured he was the one right from the beginning. There
was something about him. And then when they asked him if he had
ever worked with animals...." It had rained while we were inside,
and the evening was left with a shine and what seemed to me a very
personal breeze. "Five-three they say he is. Would you believe it?
Five-three. They never show you his feet if you notice.. . ." On a
wet street the cars have a hum to them, a voice almost, if you listen
in a certain way. I do. I listen but it fades always just as I am about
to hear.... " Impossible. That part when she goes to wait at the
mine. I thought I'd die when he didn't come up with the others. The
way she looked then. She's got to get some kind of award. I was in
tears. For that alone she deserves it. That look alone. I had to keep
trlling myself it wasn't really happening. You ever have to do that?"
"What?" I hadn't been listening.
"Tell yourself it's not happening," she repeated impatiently.
"It's not rea!. "
I was watching her hands. Like hampered birds, they tore des–
perately at the night about her. " It's the only thing that saves me,"
she went on without waiting for what I had to say. " I'd be walking
around in tears half my life if I didn't. I'm a very sentimental per–
son. You 're not though , are you. "
I didn't know what I was, I said .
"You must. I mean, you either are or you're not." She was
laughing and had turned the palms of her hands up suddenly, as
though I, in some way, were responsible for their emptiness.
"You all right?"
I had started to look away but her question , coming as it did,
held me there. "Of course," I answered quickly and with what I
could make of a smile. "Why?"
"All that running you were doing before. "
I tried to appear not to understand.
"In the movies. It's not your kidneys is it?"
My kidneys were fine, I said. We had turned off the avenue
and, by this lime, I should have knowll where we were headed. Rut
l didn't. l\nd I wouldn't, not for a ",·hile yet, not until we had
