PARTISAN REVIEW
79
I knew. And how I knew. "Maybe another time."
"Another time. I don 't think you realize just how bad this con–
dition of yours really is."
Neither did they, I pointed out, and could see at once that that
was not what was expected of me.
"It's entirely up to you of course. We can only offer our help."
I understood, had thanked them and was out the door before
it occurred to me that I had forgotten about my prescription. They
renewed it for me but made it plain that thereafter I would have
to have it taken care of somewhere else.
The fourth day out of my prescription I went down to the
drugstore and tried to talk to the man. He wouldn't listen, but did
his best to elI me something for the infection that had developed
just under my left eye. There were days when I could barely keep it
open. But the eye didn't worry me as much as what I had spreading
around my leg. I walked with a limp now, and had lost a good deal
of hair. To the crown, practically. I was little more than scalp. I
would not be seen anymore without a hat and did what I could,
especially around those I knew, about my limp. StilI there was al–
ways something for them to say.
Even my brother, pa "ing through one night, remarked that he
wouldn·t have known me on the street.
I,
on the other hand, would
have known him anywhere. The uniform had done none of the things
1 had imagined it would for him. And short hair and all, it was as if
1 had never seen him any other way. But then, I never have been
able to see Ed in any way other than he was at the moment. And
in that sense, for me, I don 't suppose he ever really was. Only now -
with mother haying stepped out, as she did for a minute, and we
were left to our elves - was I even aware of what he was saying.
.\nd it was not so much anything that was, or was not, being said
but his voice, his use of it, that took my notice. He spoke rapidly,
without faring me, and so loud you wouldn't have thought that it
was just me there he had to reach. About the food he had to put
up with, it wa , and then his arm. He had pitched at least once out
there, the way I understood it, and it hadn't gone too well. " I had
nothing. Nothing," he repeated, turning to the door mother was just
know what I expected - going in cold like that. I deserved it. I
deserved everything I got. Four innings. It was like a lifetime. I had
nothing. Nothing," he repeated, turning to the door mother was just
