340
SAUL BELLOW
BUMMIOOE:
I have to see this. Just see how she lets life drift into her.
That's what's so simple for a little child, and so hard for us.
MOTT:
Her mother a good looker?
BUMMIOOE:
But already disfigured.
(Sighing)
Take her away, Sheldon.
(SHELDON
hurries with infant-goes)
Even that kid is already
traumatized. By birth. Before the ego could protect it.
If
there were
some way to overcome the birth trauma! But no, coming into the
world has to dog you awake and sleeping. In your dreams.
MOTT:
(Sadly shakes his head, clucking)
T-t-t-t.
BUMMIOOE:
If
you dream of water, that's what it is.
If
you dream of
a canoe, that also is the birth trauma. Or a ride in a car. Going up
and down in an elevator. Caves. Doorways. Lockers. Storerooms,
refrigerators, bread boxes, shopping bags, pillow cases. All the
womb. A coffin
is
the womb, or a mausoleum, a balloon, a space
capsule....
MOTT:
The unconscious is so simpleminded, isn't it?
BUMMIDGE:
As for birth-anything ripped or tom is birth. Explosions,
suffocation dreams. Hanging on the gallows. Dreams or fantasies of
volcanoes are birth.
(Shaking his head to collect himself)
But we're
going to re-enact my engagement to Bella, after lunch. One of the
big traumas. We worked it all out at the lunch table.
Go
fetch
Imogen, Louie. Got to hurry it up. Not much time before the tele–
cast.
(Exit
MOTI')
Oh, how deep in myself I am. Everything
is
attached to me, so when I shake my head, yes or no, the whole
world sways. It's all got meaning. What
is
the problem? The problem
is
the others. What's the matter, don't you like the others? Like
'em. I love 'em. Only I can't stand them. My heart greets them
like a dog, with a fawning tongue. Ghastly love leaks out. I want
to give 'em everything. Then all of a sudden I want them all to go
away. I want them to be dead. I commit thought-murder on them.
That's not sick; they say it's healthy. You don't really want to hurt
'em, only make them cease to be.
If
they want
to
pin me down, I
get away. When a woman thinks she has me, I'm elsewhere. That's
the Ego, between Life on the right and Death on the left, keeping
both away. I! My own law! I! Away! Let me be! Alone! Agh! ..
and that's the sickness. I'm so easy to con into things. But then my
own will moves in and. . . .
Enter
IMOGEN
and
MOTI'.
IMOGEN:
We're ready to do your engagement.
Enter
SHELDON.
