72
PARTISAN REVIEW
day she'd ask who had told me the story, and she'd swear that
someday she'd know and that she'd kill whoever it was, or do some–
thing awful to them."
"So she should have, too, if she'd known," I said. "But
Mother, why didn't you let her go? How could you have cared so
much what people said, especially when you knew better?"
"If
she went away, people would believe the story," Mother
said. "She had gone away to have the baby. But if she stayed home
-stayed home long enough- But son, you see-you see, she
didn't stay home long enough-"
"What do you mean," I said, "she didn't go away once."
"I mean," Mother said, "you see, Rachel never- No, she
didn't go away, hut you see, she didn't live long enough, either."
I got up and walked to the window. I didn't trust myself to
speak, and I knew I would have to wait quite awhile. I looked out
of the window at the street-this street I had played in, it seemed,
all my life-and across the way was the house that always
resounded to the thumping of a player-piano, and next to
it
was
the O;Connell's house, and next to that was Mrs. Kirtle's neat little
home, kept neat and trim and painted for her every year by the son
who now lived in New York, the same as I did. What drew us back
to this town, anyway, and why did we ever come home? But we
loved it too, we who had moved away, and though we never saw
each other in New York, we met often at home during the year, in
summer vacations or at Christmas time, bored to death through the
long holidays, anxious to get away again, and thanking our stars
that we didn't have to live here.
"Mother," I said, after awhile, "I'm going out for a walk. I
think I'll go over to the library and see what it's like."
"All right, son," Mother·said. "But be hack in time for sup–
per, don't stop in anywhere. I've got vegetable soup cooking."
"I won't stop in anywhere," I said. I smiled to myself,
because I knew that if I did stop in at somebody's house, and he
late, Mother would begin calling up.
And then, just as I kissed her goodbye, Mother said, "Son, I
want to ask you something before you go out."
"What is it, Mother," I said, "have I got my rubbers on?"
She looked up at me beseechingly. "Is it true," she said, "that
Rachel didn't go in swimming that day? Tell me-do you really
remember it, or are you just saying that? I've got to know."
