68
PARTISAN REVIEW
was no going back now. Mother wanted to tell me, and I passion·
ately wanted to know, even though I honestly wished it hadn't
happened.
Mother told all that she had to say in a quiet voice, unemo–
tional, unmoved by the story-not so much telling it, it seemed, as
merely reminiscing out loud. She went on with her sewing, and
only stopped her recital when she laid aside a piece of work to
pick up another, or when I, occasionally, interrupted her.
"Do you remember when Rachel died," she said, "I told you
boys there was something I would tell you someday, something
about Rachel, something you all should know."
I remembered, now. I remembered the supper after the fune·
ral, and Mrs. Kirtle there, and the black silk blouse of my mother,
and her saying this. I remembered how solemn and scared we were
and how my brother began to cry when Mother said we were too
young to know, now, what a wonderful sister we had, but some·
day- My poor funny Mother! At thirty-some, I was, apparently,
at last old enough.
"Rachel didn't go to your grandmother's that summer before
she died," Mother said; "and I think I should tell you why.
Do
you remember that she didn't go, and that she always had gone
before, every summer? But maybe you don't. That's a long time
ago."
"I remember," I said.
"She was going to go, the same as always," Mother said, "hut
a few days before she was to leave, something happened. I'll tell
you as plain as I can, though it may be difficult."
"Don't, Mother, unless you really want to," I said. "It doesn't
make a bit of difference."
Mother paid no attention to this but went on as if she hadn't
heard me. "You children had gone off into the country for the day,
on one of your hikes, you boys and Rachel and I think the two
O'Connell children and the Lincoln girl. Yes, I know that Helen
Lincoln was along too. Mter you had gone, I lit the gas under the
heater to take a bath, rather glad to have the house to myself for
the day, and just as I was going to get into the tub, the 'phone rang.
It was Mrs. Kirtle. She asked if I was alone and I said yes. She
said she wanted to come right over, she had something to tell me.
I told her why didn't she wait till later, as I was going to take a
