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PARTISAN REVIEW
said. "I think we'd better go upstairs, don't you? Your mother's
tired out."
Mother reached up
~nd
took Grandmother's arm. "Wait a
minute, mama, I want to say something." She looked at us-for
quite awhile, it seemed-and then she said, "Listen, boys. Your
sister was a wonderful girl. Do you hear?'' She nodded, as if
answering herself. "A wonderful girl. I want you to remember
that." It was a dreadfully solemn moment, I don't know why. My
knees were shaking, and then my little brother, who was eight,
began to cry.
"Don't cry, son," Mother said. "I only want to tell you-and
you to know-what a wonderful girl Rachel was. You must be
proud that you had such a sister."
"Never mind, Ellen," my father said. "Look, you're scaring
them."
"No I'm not-am I, boys. And some day, when you're older,
I want to tell you something about Rachel, something you should
know. You're not old enough now, but some day you'll know what
a wonderful sister you had."
My grandmother patted Mother's shoulder. "Yes, dear," she
said. "They know now, don't you boys?- But look, it's past our
bedtime. Come, I'll go up with you."
We went up to bed and for an hour thereafter, and maybe
longer, I lay in my bed in the dark, thinking of what Mother had
·said. I knew all about this I'll-tell-you-when-you're-older stuff. It
was Mother's invariable answer to questions that were embarrass–
ing or that she didn't know the answer to. I had heard it ever since
I was old enough to ask questions, and now I didn't pay any atten–
tion to it anymore. When Mother would say, "I'll tell you when
you're older," I knew she was putting me off and also that it didn't
matter: sooner or later I'd find out for myself. Like the question
about babies. For some years I had been asking where
bab~es
came
from (Mother has told me that I asked earlier, and more often,
than any of the other children) and she would answer, "You're too
young. I'll tell you when you're old enough to know." Maybe it
was wrong of her not to tell me, but at least she didn't give me those
silly answers about storks and things, that other boys' mothers
gave them. I was answered, and I guess it was as good a way
as any.
