400
PARTISAN REVIEW
AT FIRST
HE DID
NOT KNOW what was happening. It felt as if some terri–
ble, cold monster fell upon him, crushing his chest, stifling his breaths,
and he was flying headfirst into darkness, into oblivion, into nothingness.
Dazed, he fought against it, trapped in a tightly woven cocoon of horror.
After what seemed like hours, he managed to break through some dark,
shifting ceiling, and took in a painful gulp of air that ripped through his
lungs with an animal fierceness. For another long moment he was gasp–
ing and spitting out water, aware only of an empty bottle somersaulting
in the emptiness next to him. Then his vision cleared, and he saw.
The clouds had dissipated, and in the chilly, sharp light of the
descending moon his boat drifted gently away from him, lightly riding
the crests of the waves. He stared after it in disbelief, watching it grow
smaller as he struggled to stay afloat. It took him only a moment to
understand. So this was it then, his destiny, he thought bitterly-to fall
asleep in some fisherman's bucket and be washed overboard by a chance
dip of the sea? Yet he wanted to live, he wanted to live painfully, des–
perately, and he would resist such a senseless, miserable death, he would
hold out, he would wait for the sunrise, it would only be a few hours,
and then someone was bound to come.... A wave smashed into him,
and just as he struggled against it, another one swallowed him whole
and spat him out again . He knew then that he could not last, and as the
next wave came upon him, he went down with his eyes open, letting the
green dense darkness overtake his sight. And then he saw something.
In the depths underneath him, a dim circle of lights spiralled up
through the blackness. Confused, he tried to peer closer, but the sea
threw him out once more, and into his eyes swung the moon and the
stars and the far silhouette of his boat disappearing on the horizon.
Then he could hear snippets of laughter and jazz and women's voices
through the steady roar of the sea . Gasping weakly, he turned-and saw
an enormous ship bearing upon him, twinkling with garlands of red and
white lights, pulsating with music, swaying with the shadows of night–
time revelers dancing to cheerful tunes on its deck. Through the foam,
through the waves, he stared. Was it ... was it truly possible, or was his
tormented imagination playing with him, mocking him with a phantom
of hope? But no, the ship was there, the ship was real, some stray cruise
from Chios most likely, and its yellow rectangles of light were already
beginning to slice the dark water on all sides. Soon, soon it would be
passing right by him, he thought exultingly, knowing now that he was
saved. All he had to do was call out when it got near.
Briefly he dipped below the surface again-and there were those
strange lights once more, only now they seemed closer, circling around
