686
PARTISAN REVIEW
time I cared so much about you that I was willing to accept being with
you for only an hour on the floor of your office, sucking you off, because
I understood at some point, much later in the game, that you were mar–
ried and had no more time to give me. But to be with you, next to you,
holding you, was better than never having you, never holding you (oh,
God, I was so young!) and so your star pupil walked you back to your of–
fice after the classes you taught on fairness and mercy and sacrificial rites
and the philosophy of salvation in Judaism. Looking back, maybe I felt
that ifI were closer to you, I could get closer to God; Marvin, maybe you
were the twentieth-century version of the temple prostitute - making
love to you would bring me closer to the Deity.
"You are," Marvin says, "reckless and feckless."
"I like that," Victoria says ... "
You like that?" he asks . . .
"Yes, it's wonderful." .. .
"Are you getting tired," he asks, " of me telling you how perfectly
marvelous you are?" ...
"No, but would you mind thinking of another adjective to describe
;>"
n1e .....
"What about," he scrunches up his eyes, "jocular. Do you like that
word?" ...
"I love it! Jocular. And what is jocularly pensive?" she asks . ..
"It's a - you're fantastic!" He kisses her mouth, her foot, and says,
"What was that?" ...
"Totality," she says. "From head to toe. Amerism."
Now the irony, she continues
to
herself, my meristical, mystical
Marvin, is that you are indignant on my behalf that Ariel has done what
he has done. You even hurt for me. I love people hurting for me.
The tape cassette is playing Leonard Cohen and they hold each other
in the front seat of the car, swaying back and forth to the music. Marvin
sings "Suzanne" in her ear and his eloquent eyes gaze into hers and their
mouths find each other. There is pleasure in kissing a man who used to
mean something to you but no longer does. Distance and intimacy in one
fell swoop.
"Oh, God, I can't believe I'm here with you! I feel like I'm falling in
love with you
all
over again! Our relationship was so - so wonderful!"
Victoria wants to laugh. Ironically, of course.
"I feel so - open - and so happy when I'm with you," Marvin says.
Ariel has said something similar. Victoria thinks it is funny that men
are so open and happy with her when she feels so closed and sad with
them.
"You know what you taught me?" she says now. "You taught me to
let go of a little of my reserve and be more warm. And you taught me not
