ANGELA HIMSEL
683
Marvin's eyes and mouth betray his sympathy. He holds her hand,
strokes her thumb. "You are well out of that situation. You are much too
young and much too lovely to continue in a relationship that doesn't give
you what you deserve. And you deserve only the best."
Victoria knows that Marvin considers himself "the best."
He continues to tell her how marvelous she is - smart, talented,
beautiful, nice. She loves hearing it, needs to hear it, although she knows
that Marvin, as Ariel would say, has his own agenda.
"I've missed you so," he whispers.
A nice poetic touch there, Victoria thinks. The "so." He's missed my
blow jobs, she thinks, but I'm sure he's wasted no time finding a replace–
ment.
But Marvin does like her, she knows that, and in the three years, the
tears had certainly dried and the disappointment and mad crush she'd had
had long since abated. She wonders if Marvin had even known that she
had thought herself in love with him and that discovering that he was
married had been a real shock.
Her friend Elana had said, "Victoria, are you that naive? Do you
think there are any rabbis who aren't married?"
Victoria wonders now how she could have been so naive. She hopes
she has outgrown that embarrassing quality . She wonders if people can
ever stop being what they are, even if you find out that you shouldn't be
that way, how do you stop doing something that comes so naturally?
Like, how can jews and Arabs stop hating each other, how can a person
stop being Christian and start being jewish, how can a woman start telling
a man she loves him? Above all, how can she stop being pensive and giv–
ing herself pop quizzes here in jerusalem, a place which lends itself to in–
trospection and mystical interpretation of walls and weapons?
She is thinking of these things in Marvin's car when Marvin pulls up
on Rav Berlin Street in front of Elana's flat. Marvin pulls her across the
seat, takes her in his arms and kisses her. Victoria thinks, "This is weird. I
tell him I'm in love with another guy and the man sticks his tongue in my
mouth without even a 'by your leave'."
No. There it is - a warm, spitty tongue, moving like a fish in her sur–
prised mouth. Later, Victoria will wonder why she didn't stop it right
there. Was it that she was too polite, didn't want to hurt his feelings, not
assertive enough to say, "No, thank you. I don't want to kiss you."
Probably it wasn't
a, b,
or c.
All of the above
was undoubtedly the correct
answer.
His teeth press against hers. She doesn't remember it being like this.
She is used to Ariel's mouth - slower, fuller, sweeter.
Marvin is breathing heavily. She feels it a bit inappropriate for him to
