Daniel Moyano
UNSPOKEN WORDS
My son, I knew that I would see you once more before I
die. Dona Dora, when she talks to me, often says my son is an
ungrateful thing and I'll never see him again. Your visit, which can
be nothing but a show of affection, is proving how wrong she was.
I'm a little ashamed that you find me in this condition, which
I'm now used to . For me the degradation until getting to this stage
has been very slow, and my situation doesn't surprise me now when ,
by coming here, you set me once more back into the world of desires.
Besides, I'm the actor in this situation. But for you, who played no
part in the small events which put me in this place, my illness is a
sudden thing; and since, besides, you are the spectator, no doubt I'm
now a terrible thing for you to see.
I look at you and it seems a lie to have you so near. I haven't
seen you for many years. You've kissed me and now you talk to me
about so many things, carefully choosing, as everyone does, words
which require no answers. So I know beforehand everything you can
say to me. You even use the same tone of voice which everyone uses
with me, as if it were a suitable tone to contact my memory directly.
You speak to me and meanwhile I delight in looking for this short
time at the features of your face, your civilian dress, and your hands,
which resemble mine so much. I think if it weren't for the paralysis, I
would pass my hand over your head, caress it as in other days there
in our little house in La Rioja .
Although I don't know if it would stir me. You came through
that door suddenly, as if you were the extension of my constant
thoughts and desires. Often, when I saw you triumph, a tremor ran
over my whole body. Now I don't feel my body, I see its parts as if
they didn't belong to me, but when I saw you enter, I felt a kind of
choking. For a moment it seemed my body was going to come alive.
So I lose nothing by being paralyzed because I don't know if I'd have
dared to touch you. To me you've always been something unat–
tainable. But I know you are my nerves, my cells, and that's why I
feel proud . I knew I would still see you once before I die; something
Edilor's NOle: Copyrighl
(t)
Daniel Moyano 1968.
