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subordinates, or the gaggle of secretaries and typists who were
always petrified by your presence . I was drawn to you as though
bewitched from muddy depths of primeval female subservience, an–
cient servitude from before words existed, the submission of a
Neanderthal female whose survival instinct and fear of hunger and
cold make her throw herself at the feet of the roughest of the hunters,
the hairy savage who will tie her hands behind her back and drag
her, captive, to his cave.
I remember the crisp hail of military words that you fired from
the corner of your mouth : Negative . Affirmative . Roger. Full stop.
Scram.
You delivered this barrage almost without parting your lips.
And always on the verge of a whisper, as though you were sparing
not only with words but also with the use of your voice and your face
muscles. Your predator's jaws, which on rare occasions bared your
lower teeth in a bitter, condescending grimace that served you as a
smile : "What's going on here, sweetie? Nothing better to do than sit
on the stove and warm your holy places at the army's expense?" Or:
"If
you only had in your head ten percent of what you've got in your
bust, Einstein himself would sign up with you for evening classes."
Or: "That inventory report you drew up for me looks like a recipe for
strudel. Why not write me a report instead about what you're like in
bed. Maybe there at least you're good for something?" Sometimes
yOVir victim burst into tears. And then you would ponder, look at her
as at'a dying insect, abd hiss: "All right, give her a candy somebody
and explain to her that she's just been saved from a court-martial."
Then you turned on your heel as though on a spring and slipped
pantherlike from the room. And I, driven by a blind impulse, used
to provoke you sometimes, despite the danger or because of it. I
would say, for example. "Morning, sir. Here's your coffee. Perhaps
you fancy a little belly dance with it?" Or: "Sir, if you're really dying
to see what I've got underneath my skirt, don't bother to peep, just
give me the order and I'll draw up an inventory report for you on
everything there is to see there." Every wisecrack of this kind cost me
confinement to barracks or loss ofleave. Several times you punished
me for insolence. Once you made me spend twenty-four hours in the
guardroom. Next day-do you remember? -you asked: "Well, have
you got rid of your urge, cutie?" I smiled provocatively and
answered: "On the contrary, sir. I'm all aflame." Your wolfish jaws
gaped as though to bite, and you snarled through your teeth: "Do
you want me to teach you what to do in a condition like yours,
'\
