LEONARD MICHAELS
541
"Many of you are picking your
nose?
Sounds like one nose is be–
ing passed around the room. Anyhow, the students will laugh and
she'll stop doing it. "
Bluma laughed .
At the next meeting, when the woman started doing it, I per–
sisted in my lecture and tried to look elsewhere , but it was virtually
impossible not to look at her. She tore at her nose and neck. I lec–
tured in a trance of revulsion and thought I would go insane before
the end of the hour. Finally, I dismissed the class and, amid the
rush of students , stopped her in the hallway.
"I think you never signed the enrollment sheet."
She signed : Anna Toiler .
"Miss Toiler, have you noticed how students chew gum and
writhe in their seats? This is an exceptionally nervous class."
"Do they do that?" She was inclined to smile , but chose not.
"There's a woman in the front row- she sits near you- who
crosses her legs and swings the elevated foot all hour long. Her eyes
glaze , the foot swings faster, faster. "
"You must see everything."
"I do ," I said, pressing her with my look; willing her to leap
from the general to the particular. I stood close to her. Perhaps too
close, which is how I felt .
She had fine hair, several shades below blonde . I'd noticed it
before, yet it seemed like a sudden influx of reality. Strange, lovely
hair. In me something gazed, desiring nothing, taking her in . Her
eyes were blue , light as her hair, with flat dark pupils like spots. In
her late twenties, older than most of my students . Her gray wool suit
and black shoes were inappropriate to the hot, luminous, September
morning. She wore a creamy silk blouse. A cameo sealed the collar
high on her neck, obscuring some of the scratches she had inflicted
on herself. She was overdressed; insulated by an idea of propriety;
niceness . East Coast type , I supposed. Most of the students dressed
somewhat like bums- dirty jeans, jungle boots , tee shirts with the
names of rock bands printed on the chest . The hallway was nearly
empty . It was time to speak to the point.
"You're not from California, are you?"
Thus, I changed the subject I never raised.
"My husband and I arrived this summer. He took a job with an
engineering firm in Palo Alto."
We were in a coffee shop across the street from campus. The
