MICHEL TOURNIER
335
When I went back into the room, after knocking on the door
timidly, Antoinette was lying on the troika. Stark naked! And she
was looking at me and smiling, a little red in the face even so. But
I didn't recognize her. Oh sure, there was her face, with its smile
that I loved, but that big white body displayed there in front of my
eyes like ... like.... like something in a butcher's window! And I
was ashamed for her, for myself, for us both. I blushed. And how I
blushed! And she was still smiling, and holding out her arms to me!
In the end I looked away, I was so miserable, and finally I saw the
chair. The chair, yes, what a reliefl What chair, you're going to ask?
The chair she'd put her clothes on, of course!
It
was like a little island
of solid ground in the middle of a swamp. So I went over to the chair
with confident, slow, automatic steps, a sleepwalker's steps, a robot's
steps, steps that know where they're going, steps that don't have the
slightest hesitation. I stopped in front of the chair and, well, I went
down on my knees and buried my face in the pile of clothes. A warm,
soft pile, which smelled good, like new-mown hay in the summer
sun. I stayed there a long time like that, on my knees, my face hid–
den. Antoinette was wondering whether I was saying my prayers or
whether I'd gone to sleep. Next I picked up the clothes, held them in
a heap against my face, and stood up, keeping them there so as not
to see anything. I walked over to the bed and threw them higgledy–
piggledy over Antoinette's body. And I said, "Get dressed!" Then I
rushed out like a maniac.
I was feverish. I was miserable. I had to run around the village
at least three times. Then I landed up in a bistro. And I who never
drink, I drank. Cheap red wine, glass after glass. Antoinette came
and found me there. I was drunk. It seems that I was looking at my
empty glass with a stupid expression on my face and saying: when
my glass is full, I empty it; when my glass it empty, I pity it. I was
the one to be pitied. I certainly was in a fine state. But after all,
aren't you supposed to get drunk on your wedding night? Antoinette
left a bill on the table and led me out, yes, led me, took me, dragged
me, to the Hotel de l'Univers, up to our room, our bridal suite, to
the troika. There, she kissed me. Then I pushed her over onto the
troika and, to the accompaniment of a terrific jangling of bells, she
became my wife. Dressed, fully dressed, that time!
After that, after that. .. . Well, we had to get used to each
other. There was a certain amount of trial and error, of hesitation, at
first, of course. We had to get to know each other, she had to find out
what her husband was like. Oh, and then me too, I also had things
to learn. Because actually,
I
didn't know what was the matter with
