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clothes that smelled of fathers, hairy chests, stubbly faces. Because
as I have already said, it was only later that I realized what men were
all about. In any case, I don't want any part of the elegant clergy–
man, thanks all the same. The religious vocation is just a dead end.
So let's settle for marriage. With Antoinette.
The wedding night. A real shock. Because well, obviously, I'd
never had anything to do with women. Before the war I was too
naive, too shy. And as for the ones you could sometimes see and
have when you were a prisoner. ... My pals, oh sure, they took ad–
vantage of them when they went to work in a commando. There was
a great shortage of men in the German towns and villages in those
days. There
were
chances. But never for me. They were too badly
dressed, those chances. The way they got themselves up-you should
have seen it! For me it's very simple - a badly-dressed woman dis–
gusts me. You should have seen the undies the Pomeranian peasant
women exposed when they were picking potatoes and showing their
backsides to the skies!
So there we were, married, me and Antoinette. The same day
we left on our honeymoon in my father-in-law's car. Headed south. I
was driving. We'd decided to look for somewhere to sleep when we'd
had enough of driving for that day. So we landed up in the Auvergne,
in the mountains, at Besse-en-Chandesse. Hotel de I'Univers. Shabby
but clean, rustic style. A big room with a very high ceiling and a
huge, copper-framed bed. The moment you touched it, the bed jin–
gled like cowbells, or like a troika. In one corner of the room there
was a curtain that slid along a rectangular rod, and behind it there
was a washbasin with a metal bidet. Not exactly the place of your
dreams for a wedding night. Still, we'd rather asked for it, hadn't we?
We sat down on the bed, and it made a terrific noise. We laughed,
and then we looked at each other. After that Antoinette said, "You
go for a walk, I'll get ready." I went out. I lit a cigarette and wan–
dered around the village streets. I was ill at ease. I felt something
serious was going to happen. Up till then I'd been reprieved. That
was over now, and I had my back to the wall, or to the bed, rather,
and I had to turn around and face it. Really though, the thing that
was worrying me was what must be going on in Antoinette's little
head. Antoinette was a well brought up girl, religious, modest,
chaste. Oh, you never had to worry with her, never one word louder
than another, never a gesture, never a wink. Only the thing was, she
was married now . And her husband was me. Well then, she must
have said to herself, prudishness is a thing of the past, we're turning
over a new page, I have a husband now. . . .
.
