JOSEDONOSO
31
But now that he was paying his debt to society by supporting his
mother and taking some part in the activities of living beings, he
felt he had every right
to
do his sleeping seriously, in full know–
ledge of his goal, dragged along by the genuine and increasingly
urgent need
to
know what his dreams contained. What had been a
pastime was now his reason for existing, and he dedicated all his
leisure time
to
it, possessed by a driving thirst for sleep, like a
person who exposes himself to losing something more important
than life itself ifhe does not make good use of every hour. But when
he woke up, the door remained sealed, leaving him bedazzled and
drained, desperate to remember the thing that would explain every
thing, and at the same time remain in contact with people.
From so much caviling and ruminating on her bad luck in life
and the meager satisfaction that her son's incomprehensible destiny
had given her, Adela was growing pale and thin, sad and lonely in
the depths of her boarding-house room .
It
finally dawned on her
that she meant nothing
to
Sebastiin, she was another object owed
vague affection in the kingdom of objects.
It
was as if by ignoring
her he had erased her from life, depriving her of shape and weight .
Adela was deaf and nearly blind, and her legs pained her greatly
when she walked. She coughed all the time. One day she coughed
too much, and because she didn't have the strength
to
call for help,
she died, as though she had finally convinced herself of her own lack
of existence.
Coming back from the funeral, Sebastiin removed his hat and
gloves, dropping them on the marble-topped dressing table . He
closed the shutters, asked Mrs. Mechita
to
send him food twice a
day , and lay down to sleep, eagerly, as if his mother's death had
untied the last bond that fastened him to the world. He slept for
three days and three nights, the time off for mourning Marambio
had given him with a sympathetic look. When he woke up he knew
the door was still closed, still hiding the light . But there was a
marvelous difference : now he was absolutely certain that one day ,
even if far in the future, he would be able
to
remember that whole
part of his life hidden behind the dream door. All he needed was to
set about it, nothing more . This new faith made him get dressed,
comb his hair , and leave for the office, feeling more lighthearted
than ever before , strong and sure of himself. He had the secretary
