36
PARTISAN REVIEW
"The door? What door?"
Then the doctors decided that Sebastian was one of those
slightly unbalanced people who weren't crazy enough to warrant
intensive treatment. There were too many truly ill people, and the
clinic had to be reserved for them. But they sensed a kind of
defenselessness in Sebastian: he had nowhere to go, and was .terrified
of dying before the door opened. The doctors felt sorry for him and
let him stay in the clinic a few days . But one night, making their
rounds together, they came to Sebastian's bed and, seeing his smile,
the bliss that lighted his face, decided it was impossible to keep in
their clinic anybody who slept so peacefully. They sent him away
the next morning.
Sebastian knew the end was near. He no longer had any work
to do and wandered through the streets and roads, begging from
house to house and from farm to farm. Nothing around him mat–
tered . He lived in a twilight world, peopled by shadows, echoes,
and waiting. He let his hair and beard grow long. Weakness in–
vaded him and he would walk along roads, railroad tracks , streets
and avenues in the city and when sleep touched him he lay down
anywhere . Once a horse sniffed his face thinking he was dead.
People ran away from him as though he were a warlock or a pervert
or a madman. But he went on sleeping, confident that when the
door opened all those people who had run away from him would
understand.
Sometimes he went into the city, because it was easier to get
food there . At the market he could steal bread or a bi t of fried fish.
But often they recognized him, and a woman staggering under the
weight of her packages would confront him and shout: "Aren't you
ashamed of yourself, you lazy bum? Instead of working, you beg
and steal. You are disgusting . They ought to throw you out of town
or put you in jail. You're not so old that you can't work. "
But he couldn't work. Sleep would overcome him at once, as if
indignant at any attempt to separate him from its power. Once they
caught him stealing and took him to jail. They soon let him go, but
the word got out that he was a criminal, and the people who used to
smile kindly at his venial sin of laziness now crossed the street when
they saw him coming.
Winter arrived, another winter, and this one brought Sebas-
