PARTISAN REVIEW
223
girl
locked in a cemetery at nighttime and how all the people who
are buried there come out of their graves and go who--who-–
who.
(S
&
M IS MY FAVORITE THING)
While she is fiddling with the air conditioner I slip off the bed
and on my hands and knees easily begin biting her ass. She likes it
at first. I can tell the way she moves, but then when I try to get in
there with my tongue she turns around and spreads her legs and
asks me to eat her there--not too much and gently, you cunt·
sucker, and stop when I say stop because I don't want to make a
whole number out of it, okay? I do, of course, but it is not what I
want. Later, in bed: "You, uh, have some anal hangups?"
"I'm not crazy about it."
"But you've done it before?"
"Once or twice or three times with men like you."
"What does that mean?"
Shaking her head the way she does so that her red hair tum·
bles over most of her face, "I think you think of your wife when
you fuck me."
"You've mentioned that before."
"Do you think of her alive or dead?"
"I think of her alive."
"Nice. When, exactly, do you think of her?"
I get up and bring a beer back to bed that we both share.
"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
"Shit, Noel, there must be a specific time when you are
fucking me when you first think of her."
I wonder where this is going. "Just before I c6me," I finally
say, wiping some beer from my lips.
"I could have guessed. I knew that. Without you telling me, I
knew it. Is it visual?"
"Yes, very much so ."
"Can you put it into words?"
"I'm not sure. I'll try. Sometimes certain visions are sort of
nonverbal. It's as if a picture of ],s face invades me. It's not a
