286
JAMES BALDWIN
hoping he'll get well and I can't make him see a doctor. He
knows I'm not doing none of those things he says, he knows it!"
"But you can't go on like this, Leona. He can get both
of you killed.'
"He says it's me trying to get us killed." She tried to laugh.
"He had
.a
fight last week with some guy in the subway, some
real ignorant, unhappy man just didn't like the idea of our
being together, you know? and well, you know, he blamed that
fight on me. He said I was encouraging the man. Why, Viv, I
didn't even
see
the man until he opened his mouth. But, Rufus,
he's all the time looking for it, he sees it where it ain't, he
don't see nothing else no more. He says I ruined his life. Well,
he sure ain't done mine much good."
She tried to dry her eyes. Vivaldo gave her his handker–
chief and put one arm around her shoulders.
"You know, the world is hard enough and people is evil
enough without all the time looking for it and stirring it up
and making it worse. I keep telling him, I know a lot of people
don't like what I'm doing. But I don't care, let them go their
way, I'll go mine."
A policeman passed them, giving them a look. Vivaldo
felt a chill go through Leona's body. Then a chill went through
his own. He had never been afraid of policemen before; he
had only despised them. But now he felt the impersonality of
the uniform, the emptiness of the streets. He felt what the
policeman might say and do if he had been Rufus, walking
here with his arm around Leona.
He said, nevertheless, after a moment, "You ought to
leave him. You ought to leave town."
"I tell you, Viv, I keep hoping-it'll all come all right
somehow. He wasn't like this when I met him, he's not really
like this at all. I
know
he's not. Something's got all twisted
up in his mind and he can't help it."
They were standing under a street lamp. Her face was
hideous, was unutterably beautiful with grief. Tears rolled down
