292
JAMES BALDWIN
man could be treated like a man." He wiped his eyes with the
back of
his
hand, then suddenly brought
his
fist down on the
window-sill. "I can't stand this place, I can't stand it! You
~ot
to fight with the landlord because the landlord's
white!
You
got to fight with the elevator boy because the motherf*****'s
white.
Any bum on the Bowery can shit allover you because
maybe he can't hear, can't see, can't walk, can't f*-l<'*-but he's
white!"
"Rufus. Rufus. What about- ?" He wanted to say: What
about me, Rufus? I'm white. He said, "Rufus, not everybody's
like that."
"No? That's news to me."
"Leona loves you- "
"She loves the colored folks so much," said Rufus, "some–
times I just can't stand it. You know all that chick knows
about me? The
only
thing she knows?" He put his hand on
his sex, brutally, as though he would tear it out, and seemed
pleased to see Vivaldo wince. He sat down on the bed again.
"That's all."
"I think you're out of your mind," said Vivaldo. But fear
drained his voice of conviction.
"But she's the only chick in the world for me," Rufus
added after a moment, "ain't that a bitch?"
"You're destroying that girl. Is that what you want?"
"She's destroying me, too," said Rufus.
"Well, is
that
what you want?"
"What
do
two people want from each other," asked Rufus,
"when they get together? Do
you
know?"
"Well, they don't want to drive each other crazy, man.
I know that."
"You know more than I do," Rufus said, sardonically.
"What do
you
want- when you get together with a girl?"
"What do I
want?"
"Yeah, what do you
want?"
"Well," said Vivaldo, fighting his panic, trying to smile,
